VOICE ON TELEPHONE: (overheard by audience) This is Larry Summers.

MALEVOLENT: (while stealing candy from a baby) Greetings, Evil Master. How may I do thy bidding?

SUMMERS: I’ve decided I need a hobby, so I think I’ll take up oppressing the working class just for kicks. How about we only offer the janitors $11 an hour?

MALEVOLENT: (laughing fiendishly as spittle flies from his mouth) Hahahaha! Excellent! Thy wish is my command, oh Evil One.

[Hangs up.]

MALEVOLENT: (while scourging janitors with a bull whip) His Evilness has spoken! Eleven dollars per hour and not a penny more.

[Boos from PSLM audience members; one student begins a hunger strike.]

EXPLOITED JANITOR: (Dickensian, in a cockney accent) Please sir, may I have some more?

MALEVOLENT: (while clearing rain forests, enlarging the hole in the ozone layer and melting polar icecaps) No! No pennies for you!

[Hisses from PSLM; various students sign a petition in their own blood.]

EXPLOITED: (with a halo appearing round his head) But please, sir, may I have some more?

MALEVOLENT: (while starting a nuclear war) No! Those rotten do-gooders on the Katz Committee made us promise to pay you a wage between $10.83 and $11.30, so stop whining about our $11.00 deal. Even PSLM-types can’t complain that we aren’t offering a living wage.

STAN STEVENS: (rises heroically from the audience as several students light themselves on fire in protest) Well, we used to want a living wage of $10.68 per hour. But the Living Wage Campaign just changed its name to “The Campaign to Get Every Nickel We Can From Harvard ’Cause a Living Wage Ain’t Good Enough and Who Gives a Hoot About Consistency Anyway”

[Strains of the socialist “Internationale” well up from an erstwhile-unnoticed orchestra pit.]

PSLM ACTIVISTS: (singing in unison) Then come comrades, rally, and the last fight let us face; the “Internationale” unites the human race.