My favorite story of the week involves Angelina Jolie’s recent appearance at a magazine cover shoot. According to the New York Post, she showed up with a vial of red liquid around her neck which she refused to take off, pooh-poohed all outfits suggestions, and had a set of fresh wounds on her arms. When asked about the cuts, she volunteered the reason: “I have to cut myself before sex,” said Jolie. Angelina, of course, has made it no secret that she enjoys wild sex with her husband Billy Bob Thornton (they want to pad the walls of their bedroom because their foreplay tends to be violent). But Jolie turned from playful to nasty when the photographer insisted that she take the vial-necklace off for the shoot. She whirled around and hissed, “It’s my husband’s blood!”

SOMAN’S SHORTS

For the original authorized version of this column, see www.somanintheknow.com...because certain subjects are too risqué for newsprint. Bigger, longer, uncut…Bought the new A-Teens CD, Teen Spirit. A*Teens, remember, were those boobs who released a whole album of Abba covers. Well, the new record has some wonderfully catchy tunes. But these lyrics! Here are some sample lines: “My grades go down from A’s to B’s. / I’m way behind in history / My head is full of fantasies / Of you and me together,” “Firefly come back to me / Make the night as bright as day / I’ll be looking out for you / Tell me that you’re lonely too” (my worldly friend Nia points out that female fireflies often devour male fireflies if they're not suitable for mating)…The new Tennis Magazine cover story on Anna Kournikova is a wonderful history of a not-so-wonderful player. If you’re befuddled as to what all the fuss is about, get your Anna-tude primer ASAP…The single greatest procrastination site in the world–www.mediaunbound.com. Go and try the Audio-Insight demonstration. You put in your music tastes and they will process a 12-minute mix of all the songs they think you’ll like. It’s fantastic stuff…Ben Affleck stumped for Gore in dozens of states, put in countless hours urging people to get out and vote and proclaimed himself a good Democrat—and then we find out that he himself never voted? Check out www.thesmokinggun.com for the proof…If I see the Pearl Harbor trailer one more time, I’m going to send Gwyneth Paltrow a stink bomb. (Yes, yes, a total non-sequitur figuring that Gwyneth isn’t in Pearl Harbor, but a) wouldn’t it be just like her to be in a movie like it? and b) doesn’t Gwyneth deserve a stink bomb in the mail anyway?)…The Writers Guild of America, pissed off that reality TV shows don’t use union workers, are determined to ruin Survivor 2. They’ve advertised a list of the people getting voted off in the coming weeks. If you’re curious, check it out on www.survivorsucks.com…Next week will be the last In the (K)now ever! I’ll be quite sad to say goodbye to this, my little corner of the world. But be sure to tune in—I’ll be going out with a bang. The last column will appear in Arts and the rest of the final week festivities will happen online at www.somanintheknow.com. Expect celebrity cameos.