5. Never, ever, agree to take a class only because you have a crush on the person who asked you. For most, the dullness of an unwanted class only exacerbates the bitterness of love unrequited. In my case, the target of my affection dropped the class minutes before the add/drop deadline, leaving me a dying man in a strange land.

6. Never, ever, take a graduate school class. Contrary to what you may think (or what others may tell you) graduate students are smarter than you.

7. Never, ever, go to Foxwoods Resort Casino. Losing money is not fun. And if you really want to gamble, you might as well do it on the Internet.

8. Never, ever, focus your eyes during Primal Scream. Recognizing someone you know, along with the newfound understanding of why God created clothes, will create nightmares and shudders for weeks to come.

9. Never, ever, ask someone to your House formal over e-mail. It is widely agreed that this practice is just plain lame. Yet it happens year after year. It’s a lose-lose situation: If the answer is no, you will be pitied; if the answer is yes, you will be mocked.

10. Never, ever, write columns like this one. Or if you must, make sure it’s near the end of your term. Otherwise you might get fired.

Richard S. Lee ’01 is a social studies concentrator in Pforzheimer House. His column appears on alternate Thursdays.