AH: My influences writing this thesis have been Henry James, Aimee Bender, Haruki Murakami, Marguerite Duras, Hitchcock’s Vertigo and Russian patricidal literature (my father thinks he’s going to be the “bad guy” in the story, but I don’t think there’ll be any daddy-killing in it yet).

THC: Russian patricidal literature?

AH: My older brother was very much into Dostoevsky and was always pushing him onto me when I was a kid and making parallels between the literary characters and our own family members. The problem is, as I became obsessed with these family stories like O’Neill’s A Long Day’s Journey into Night, for example, or Terry Zwigoff’s documentary about Robert Crumb and his family, all the characters became blurred and sometimes it’s hard to remember if Smerdyakov really is my brother or not.

When I wrote the proposal the family story wasn’t really there but I realized while writing my first draft that the family story was crucial; it was the most interesting stuff in relation to the plot and the narrator. So it’s being fleshed out and taking up more of the novel.

THC: How personal is your work?

AH: One author I like says that the emotions are autobiographical but the events are not. When my friends read my stories they always think the main character is me—they think that my self-absorption is taken to a new level and my stories are peopled by multiple versions of me talking to each other. But this is not true. Well it’s less true these days. My writing will inevitably be personal because it’s either something I experienced, or someone has related to me, or how I envision or interpret an action. Memories in their coloring will probably be very personal but the situations and characters might not.

Sometimes I’m scared of revealing something that is true, but writing it down is a way for me to make sense of things. It saddens me if people think I’m exploiting my family just to make a good story. That’s a cheap way of looking at writing about childhood and memory. I’m trying to rework the material to bring out the humor and sympathy where it might be overlooked. But yes, most of my characters are based on people I know very well and it’s made the process very intense. My meetings with my thesis advisor sometimes feel like therapy sessions. She’ll ask me, “Why does this character feel this way? It’s disturbing and I want to know what makes the character do this.” And I’ll sit there and wonder, “Oh God, why do I that? I don’t have a fucking clue. So does she think I’m weird?”

THC: Do you get writer’s block and what do you do about it?

AH: I get writer’s block not so much because of lack of inspiration or material. I have a little notebook full of ideas and sentences that I haven’t used yet. I get writer’s block more from fear, from not feeling up to the challenge of getting into my character’s heads and emotions. So instead I’ll stare into space, dye my hair, eat something fatty and spicy. I can’t find enough big chunks of time to write these days, so I’ll keep notes and write stuff on my arms and transfer them to paper later. Or I’ll underline and draw little stars in my notebook next to the scenes or dialogues that I really should write soon. Drawing little stars makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere.

THC: It’s November. How much have you finished?

AH: I have a first draft done, it’s around 200 pages. Parts will be cut and added, the plot will change, especially if I continue to move further into the relations between the family members. One major character needs a total overhaul, but I’m still casting. I’m still waiting to meet someone who I think can really give me what I need for that character.