SOMAN'S SHORTS
www.somanintheknow.com. Come on over, baby... The Crimson shoot process means that executives like me have to endure more kiss-asses than the Sultan of Brunei. It's really intolerable, and I'm starting to lose my temper. All I know is that the next person who tries to kiss up, I'm going to set on fire... Wasn't Citystep surreal? But by the time you got your bearings and had a chance to hook up in the mini subway car exhibit, the damn thing was over. Too short, too many 50-buck hair styles (I'm applying for UC grant to start an Anti-Tendril Association), wayyyy too many freshmen... One of my friends spotted a poster for the College Democrats reading "What Would Harry Potter Do? Vote for Al Gore!" Ummm, hi? That's my slogan. And Harry Potter, even if he was old enough, would most certainly stay away from all things involving the American electorate... Remember last week I postulated that the reason Christina Aguilera canceled all her concerts was because she was smoking too much bud? Well, a friend on the inside wrote in: "Actually, she got a new manager, and he decided to cancel appearances that were planned by his predecessor. She's not really having vocal chord problems."... I'm interviewing for my Disney dream job tomorrow. If you see me this weekend and I look happy, ask me how it went. If I look unhappy, offer to buy me a stiff drink... Since I am supposed to be cutting-edge, I flouted a green sports vest and matching pants to lunch the other day and was immediately greeted with a chorus of jeers from my blocking group. "You look like the sixth member of 'Nsync," said one. "Hooray!" I replied. But the boos and flying butternut squash drove me back to my room to change... I hear that the zambonis at the Hockey Center are having spontaneous combustion problems. Hockey games never seem to get that big a crowd, but I have no doubt that all of Harvard would turn up to watch a zamboni on fire, no?...Speaking of erupting into flames, I just got another kiss-ass e-mail from a Crimson shooter. Out come the matches.
Questions, Comments, Air Hockey Strategy Tips? E-mail schainan@fas
www.somanintheknow.com