What You Didn't Know: The Senior Tutor, Dr. Rory Browne, keeps lizards--big ones--in his apartment in New Quincy.

Winthrop House

Pro: The tire swing in the courtyard resonates that homey feeling.

Con: High school rears its ugly, pimply head.

What You Didn't Know: The soda machine in the dining hall was the only one on campus open 24 hours a day until the management closed it down in a vile show of force.

Now at least you'll have something about your new house to lord over your fellow students. But beware, they're just as well equipped: "At least I'm not going to die from the fumes of cheap cigarettes!"

WHO, WHOM?

The verdict is in, literally. Rotund City Councillor William Walsh was convicted this week on 41 counts of fraud, which is extraordinary for Cambridge in the sense that convictions of city officials are rare; however, the careless nature of Walsh's perpetrations are nothing out of the ordinary in the annals of Cambridge government.

Despite the likelihood of jail time, Walsh has refused to step down from his post, as if aware that his resignation would bring up the dignity of Cambridge government beyond where it deserves to be. Walsh's colleagues have made a fundamental mistake in relying mainly on statute to force the removal. Walsh's guilt and weight would surely break the scales of Justice--if the City Council really wants to get rid of this particular dead weight, it should abandon statutes and try a crane.

The Councillors most vehement about Walsh's removal are those who, unlike Walsh, favor Cambridge's system of rent control. We at Dartboard wonder if Walsh and his opponents are really so far apart. Walsh used a realestate scheme to line his pockets at a bank's expense, his opponents used an equally odious scheme to line their constituents' pockets at landowners' expense. Walsh just made the mistake of indulging his cupidity privately, rather than under color of law. Such is logic in the People's Republic of Cambridge.

HERE'S LANI!

You heard right. Reputed "quota queen" Lani Guinier '71 will have yet another audience for her Clintonian tale of woe--the Class of 1994. Guinier is slated as the annual speaker for the pre-Commencement event, yet another example of how rude Presidential treatment can catapult the otherwise obscure to cult stardom. Although most people seem quite pleased with the choice, there is no doubt that a size able minority would prefer another speaker; after all, if getting jilted by Bill Clinton were sufficient qualification for giving the Address, we might as well invite Gennifer Flowers. At least she has the advantage of not looking like Scotty Pippen in drag.

It's only fair that we should take Ms. Guinier's own advice about how to deal with representing minorities--in this case the minority which has had quite enough of Ms. Guinier's oft-repeated apologia for her writings.

Although technically outvoted, the anti-Guinier faction should not be tyrannized by a mere majority. No, as Ms. Guinier once suggested, proportional representation is in order. If, for example, it is ascertained that 25% of the class objects to the present choice, 25% of the time alloted for the Class Day address should go to an alternate speaker who embodies their values. And if we at Dartboard may be so bold, we'd like to offer a suggestion: a fellow political jiltee, who also saw the objections to his views intensified by his unfortunately unsympathetic mien. Robert Bork, come on down!.

I WANNA BE A ROCK STAR