"I was getting ready to go to class and I was sitting on the bed hanging out with Dylan and I was like 'It would be really nice to do this all day," she says. "[Full-time mothers'] lives just must be much more full."
Still, Ocon and Payanzo say they have no regrets.
"I got partying out of my system," Payanzo says, of the changes that came with motherhood. "It's just something that gets phased out. I wouldn't say I grew out of it but at some level I did."
Ocon, once known as one of the liveliest people in Thayer Hall, celebrated a quiet birthday Monday with a few former roommates who dropped by her apartment with a cake and gifts.
"I would never ever give this up for the anything else," Ocon says. "I've gotten past that stage of trying to figure out who I am--staying up until 3 a.m. eating pizza with a bunch of people that I'm not even sure I like but that I want to fit in with."
"All I get from doing that is bags under my eyes after only three hours of sleep," Ocon adds.
Looking Ahead
But with no clear-cut guidelines, Ocon is largely on her own as she juggles the details of her hectic schedule.
In the beginning of the semester, Ocon picked Bailey up from day care at 3:30 p.m. and occasionally volunteered her time in the classroom. Now enrolled full-time, Bailey reunites with her mother two hours later to give Ocon more time to fit in her classes, studying, and the 10-hour-a-week work schedule she maintains at Widener Library's human resources department.
Ocon plans to use reading period to look into other forms of day care; if she's lucky Bailey will be given a spot in the day-care center that Peabody Terrace operates next to her laundry room.
Convinced that the workload that comes with the social studies sophomore tutorial is "ridiculous for single parents," Ocon is looking into a more strategic course selection. Ocon's lowest grade during midterms may have been a B-, but her three courses this semester left her staring blankly at a computer screen, trying to remember how to do endnotes. Switching concentrations remains yet another possibility.
"This semester has been trial and error, my trial by fire," Ocon says. "Every day I try new things as I try to figure out what works. There are so many variables--it all depends on Bailey's mood or even things like the weather."
"Subconsciously, I knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't make it any easier," Ocon says.
Her confidence wavers for just that one instant though, before the same Gina that fought for the right to earn a Harvard degree re-emerges.
"I've come a long way. I've established myself here. My daughter is thriving and happy," Ocon says. "Maybe it's difficult, but I'm plugging away. That's something I can be proud of."
Listening to Ocon speak, one can hear a little bit of Payanzo as well. The two women have never met but they share more than just the same challenge; they share the same hope for the future.
"Being a mother and Harvard can work," Payanzo says, recounting those days when an abortion seemed like the only option. "It takes a lot of effort, but it can be done. It's so rewarding."
TODAY: Both Gina M. Ocon '98-'00 and Anna N. Payanzo '00 manage to be both full-time mothers and students. Part one tracks their lives at Haravrd and traces their paths to college.
MONDAY: What resources does the College provide undergraduate mothers? Part two explores the aid Harvard offers undergraduate mothers and compares it with that of other colleges.