Interested in making $205 a week in your spare time? Already have the sperm bank ad up on your bulletin board? Well, don't get your hopes up (you should excuse the expression) yet.

This is an exclusive club. Not just any Johnny-come-lately can qualify. But fear not--there's still plenty of excitement to be had. Ever dedicated to ensuring the satisfaction of our readers, The Crimson has compiled the following crib sheet for passing the Sperm 101 Oral Exam (administered over the phone). Included are the answers given by our upstanding crusading reporter.

The Questions:

1. How tall are you? "5 feet 7 inches" - "O.K."

2. Are you or your parents adopted? "No." - "Good."

3. What race are you? "White" - "O.K."

4. Are you enrolled in school? "Yes." - "Good."

5. Does anyone in your family have diabetes? "My grandmother." - "O.K." (pause) "And my uncle." - "Hmmm..."

6. Where did you read about us? "The Crimson." - "Uh-huh."

The Criteria:

Here are explanations of the odd-numbered exercises:

1. You must be 5 feet 9 inches tall if you are Caucasian. I was thus ruled out, but the conversation did not end there. No other ethnic groups have height requirements; the decisions about those donors are "subjective."

3. In case you're wondering, the sperm bank people are no racists. They now have a surfeit of Caucasian donors and are looking for "ethnicities" and "mixed people."

5. The check for diabetes was not accompanied by any other similar questions. Several other inherited diseases exist, but perhaps diabetes is the most common sticking point. So, if you want to be "Mr. Sperm", you'd better be disease-free.

The Cuts: