Mindich sees this trait as more harm than helpwhen it comes to relationships. "Harvard kind ofde-eroticizes everything." he says. "[Harvardstudents] think too much about everything, anddon't go as much with their emotions as theyought."
"They think about consequences, instead of justgoing with the spur-of-the-moment emotions.Everyone is afraid to get hurt. Everyone's gotbigegos," Mindich explains.
Harvard students are often their own harshestcritics, and some students says that thischaracteristic sometimes manifests itself in theirperceptions of relationships.
"I think people have high expectations forrelationships here,"; says Fishman. "They'redemanding about who they go out with, and of thosewho they go out with. It's the same reason they'redemanding of themselves. That's what Harvardstudents are like."
Although Fishman says the demands make for some"angst-ridden relationships," this may be positivein the long run. "People should have highexpectations," he says.
"I think everyone here has more respect forthemselves," agrees Mindich. "It's a little moredifficult to deceive here. 'You're beautiful, it's2 a.m., let's go back to my room' won't workhere," he says.
For homosexuals, other difficulties exist, saysDuBowski, Not only must homosexuals deal with apotentially hostile environment, they must alsolean to be accepting of their identity, he says,"Outness is really important in college," saysDuBowski.
Some students believe that it is theindividual, not the environment, which isresponsible for a student's social life.
"Across the board, you're going to find goodrelationships, and bad relationships, no matterwhat the school is," says Coady. "I'm sure peoplehave great relationships at Syracuse and lousyrelationships at Syracuse. The same can be saidhere," he says.
"Instead of looking at Harvard, and sayingHarvard's a lame place, [they should] look atthemselves and say, "maybe I'm a lame person, andI need to get my act together,'" Coady continues."I don't think they're a slave to the system."
And if a relationship can survive Harvard egosand social wasteland, there's still the challengeof surviving Harvard ambitions.
Post-Commencement plans are "something that Iknow a lot of people are really struggling withright now," says Fishman. "I know a lot of peoplein for some painful conversations over thesummer."
Although it is possible for a couple tocoordinate plans. Fishman says "that's a reallyhuge step to take.'
Perhaps more so than at other universities,Harvard's graduates scatter all over the world.Many Harvard seniors have definite post graduategoals, Some future plans include years spentoverseas, Fishman says, which makes itlogistically improbable for a couple to maintainthe close relationship they had in college.
A potential couple-for-life may find thatHarvard is not always marriage-friendly, saysMcBee. "You're expected to pursue a career orpursue an academic interest and postpone a longterm commitment. Otherwise, why are you here? issort of the attitude it sends,"
But everlasting love is not impossible, somesay. The LaRajas are proof that love does exist atHarvard, They advise students to get involved inextracurricular activities. Then, says Taryn, "youstart as friends, instead of basing it on looks,like at a party."
Ray adds that it's important to "allow theother person to have a separate life outside therelationship. You can create a cocoon aroundyourself, and then you've missed out."
So, despite what the Esquire articlesays, Harvard students say they are not afraid ofthe word "relationship," and are well aware thatlove is with-