"So, I thought about being a Clown and talkedabout being a Clown. And I thought about it somemore. And talked about it some more. And aftermuch thinking and talking I became very afraid.Not because of the huge monster that hides undermy bed and eats clowns, but because I was afraid Iwould never become a Clown again."

Cortney's Magician listened and said nothing.For, before Magicians can talk, they must absorbpain. Magicians live off Pain. (This is one wayhow Magicians and Clowns are alike.) Without Pain,Magicians die. But they can never give Pain, onlyabsorb Pain. That's why Magicians can't talk. Theyabsorb Pain, and turn it into somethingelse...like a flower, or sometimes rain, a clown,and occasionally an insect--because withoutinsects there would be no birds.

The Magician has but one enemy, History andcold toilet seats. The Magician battles Historyevery day. History tells Clowns that they will notalways be funny. History tells Clowns they can nolonger always be a Clown. And when Clowns thinkthat the sad people will not laugh at them nomatter what, they give up trying to be Clowns.

With History, Clowns lose their faces--they areemasculated.

"Ah...," said the Magician after he hadabsorbed much Pain, "have you seen History?"

"Yes," said Cortney the Clown, "And he has toldme many things. He has told me that sometimesnon-laughing people will not laugh at me. He hastold me that other clowns have failed. He has toldme that I should realize my condition. He has toldme to think much about my condition and talk muchabout my condition. And he told me maybe I shouldconsider becoming a Clown teacher if I could nolonger be a clown."

"Pardon me," said the Magician as he finishedpainting a picture of a horse doing something onlya horse can do, "I could caste a spell to make itall go away, and it would be a really cool spellwith toads feet, hiar of newt, and a twist of batwings as a spritzer, but let me ask you, 'Have youever seen a post-modern clown?"'

Cortney the Clown thought about this andlaughed a hearty Clown laugh. He had seen apost-modern clown, recently and in the mirror.

"Ho, Ho, Ho," Cortney sputtered, "I woke up theother morning without my friend. And I looked inthe mirror. And no longer knew why I was a clown.And I was scared. I was scared of being a clown. Iwas scared of being with other Clowns. I felt thatI was the only Clown in the world who must everfeel this way...I felt like a post-modern clown."

"And so what use has History been to you?"riddled the Magician.

"He has given me Expectations," said Cortney.

"Yes," said the Magician.

"And he has given me Self-consciousness," saidCortney.

"Yes."

"And he has given me needs. Now I need my ClownCar. My clown hat. My clown shoes. And my funky,poke-a-dot clown suspenders."