Me: Exactly.

Him: Well, the thing you have to remember is that at that time my desk was right next to Suzy Blick's, and she was a well-known disliker of hamburgers. I probably just plagiarized from her. I am, and have always been, a fond admirer of hamburgers.

Me: But deeper questions have plagued your campaign: how much did you know, and when?

Him: At first, I didn't know a thing. By the time I was 18, however, I knew enough to earn myself a high school diploma.

Me: Well done. But to move along, Senator, what was the scandal that broke the camel's back?

Him: Around late August a rumor began circulating around Washington that a terrible scandal was being talked about by people in the know. Furthermore, my name was mentioned.

Me: What happened next?

Him: Well, up to this time, the main focus of Democratic debate had been whether Mike Dukakis was going to think of something to argue about or not. But when rumors of a scandal rumor started circulating, the debate shifted. My fellow Democratic candidates turned against me. Some began saying that a rumor of a scandal was not a mere rumor, but a scandal in itself. Others accused me of having sex with a woman to whom I was married.

Me: Did you deny these things?

Him: No. Rather than grace these rumors with an official reply, I secretly issued counter-rumors of my own: that Joe Biden was a big fat Doofus.

Me: How terrible.

Him: The dark underbelly of politics, I'm afraid. But to show my honesty I secretly leaked the fact of our involvement in the rumor, and then fired my campaign manager as a show of remorse and desire for fair play.

Me: I see. Not only would that maneuver focus attention on you, but it would demonstrate your capacity for dealing with crisis in a decisive and respectable way. Did it work?

Him: Not as well as I had hoped. First, my ex-campaign manager slashed my tires. Second, Mike Dukakis pulled the exact same stunt the same day, and so the press ignored me. By that time public interest in my campaign was at such a low point that I called a press conference to announce my withdrawal.

Me: What was the reaction at the press conference?