or:
Sorry To Hear That You:
--were burned beyond human recognition.
--lost all in the stock market crash, and now lead a life of piteous despair.
--were elected president of Botswana.
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OF COURSE, none of this would be necessary if people would just stay married. Then the Corny Card Companies could continue as always and not have to worry about modernizing. My grandparents' 50th wedding anniversay is this month, but golden Corny Cards are too expensive. So they'll have to settle for a Corny Column instead. Happy Anniversary, Ida and Jack!