IN THE WAKE of the Conversative Club's recent hosting of a speaker who called for the quarantining of all gays, in the wake of Sisyphist slogans like "Defense of the Soviet Union Begins in Central America!," "Vietnam was a Victory!!," and "Defend the Deformed Workers' State Against Jewish Dissidents!!!," I have brought myself to make a personal decision which is quite possibly of world-historical import. I can no longer stand idly by and allow my fellow students to suffer under the dastardly delusions spawned by Harvard's most attention-getting speechifiers.

Yellowed and moth-eaten letters in a chest apparently jettisoned into the sea from a cruise liner were recently recovered by an Icelandic toymaker. These letters have been united with a similar collection unearthed last spring by an Arabian goatherd, and the complete set is now in my posession. They prove beyond doubt that the Friends of Sisyphus Youth League, led by senior and presumed Trotskyoid Tom Careen, and the Conversative Club, led by senior and presumed Monarchoid Sy Kahane, have aims far different than these shallow impressions indicate.

FOLLOWING ARE excerpts from the damning documents.

8/27/75

Dear Sy,

Now that school has started again, I remember what fun the two of us used to have at Camp Koonawacha. Not a day goes by in which I don't think of our madcap escapades and humorous romps.

...My fondest congratulations on your appoinment to the Central Committee of the Revolutionary Communist Youth Brigade's junior division. I'm sure your work at the helm of the movement will be very rewarding for you personally....I of course continue to hold pronounced differences with your political tendencies...but the prospect of your new command nevertheless increases the already deep respect I feel for you as an individual....Go for it.

With warmest regards, Thomas N. Careen

5/11/76

Dear Tom,

I can't tell you how excited I am about your news....I have always admired the John Beech Society for its dedication and idealism, and although I cannot subscribe to more than a piddling few of their tenets, I can't think but that such an organization could provide you with just the sort of Gemeinschaft you've always sought....

Your fellow Koonawachan, Sy

12/4/78

Dear Sy,

As I've been telling you, I fear that my fervent belief in the goals of the Beech Society is no longer matched by enthusiasm for its brutal and unsubtle methodology....I long to compete on the fields of mental battle, far away from the sordid and unhealthy aspects of cross-burning and rock-throwing....What was your PSAT score?