"A solid win. He's yet to lose about."

"Neck-and-neck, down to the wire. The key issue appears to be ERA."

"The crowd is going crazy. It's all over. Wait, wait...there's a fight in the second row..."

Or, as Mr. Cosell might pontificate, "Another disgusting display of exploiting national coverage to gain attention. These people have yet to recognize the distinction between liberty and license."

Convention language, alright--very conventional, if you follow sports.

Why all this clamor about separating sports and politics? Where would the media be? Might the promoters of the summer conventions be confusing liberty and license by fixing the races before they even start?

Suggestions

These, along with several other profound questions, will not be answered in Cobo (gulp) Hall or Madison Square (gasp) Garden. So here are a few suggestions to spice up the ultimate sporting events in the country:

Rename the parties the Democratic and Republican Leagues. Award the winner of each league a pennant. Declare the winner of the November stretch drive World Series champion (Why be so modest as to call the victor only "President of the United States? "World Series champ"--now that would show the Soviets).

Have each league hold a draft of all American citizens. Institute some form of a "reserve clause" to stock the army. Have the World Series champion go on TV and shake a file cabinet listing the names of all those drafted at the Soviets. That would show 'em.

Start calling the conventions the semifinals or the playoffs.

Make Howard Cosell anchorman on ABC World News Tonight.

Give Dave Anderson, Dave Kindred and Leigh Montville columns on their respective newspapers' op-ed pages. Move David Broder over to sports.

Combine the Army and Air Force, and rename the new division the AFC. Lump the Marines and the Navy into the NFC. Have them play football all year--not the European kind, if you're on my wavelength.

Challenge the Red Army to a home-and-home American football showdown.

Rename all horses Boxer and send them to conventions once every four years. Cancel the Olympics.

Give liberty to the print media, but license the electronic media.