*Run around the Yard for the first two weeks in a track outfit with your study card rolled up like a baton.

*Walk around Soldiers Field with a three-iron for hours asking people if they saw the tee shot you hit from the other side of the Charles.

*Make a point of saying that you would have been in Faces In The Crowd last week but your picture was overexposed.

*Wear cleats in Lamont so when your shoes squeak people will look up at you and think you just came off the practice field.

*Walk around with grease paint under your eyes on sunny days.

*For the females, just wear different types of plaid kilts and tell everyone that they're from the various all-star field hockey teams that you played with in Europe.

*Use a batting glove as a bookmark.

*Blow your nose with a penalty flag.

*If you take advice from any athletes the first thing they'll tell you is not to trusts sportswriters. Shows how much they know. Do any one of these things and I guarantee you that the noose in your closet will be down by November.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go look for my tee shot.