* * *

At least he wasn't alone. He knew that. Others had realized it long ago; Kesey in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," Pynchon in "V," Heller in "Catch-22." He had friends, people who took his side. He felt a common bond, even with the people he had never met. They, too, understood.

* * *

The preppie just would not shut up. For days the preppie had been telling him how paranoid he had become. The preppie droned on and on; he appeared to listening, but actually heard very little of what the preppie said. It was a new-found talent, and it enabled him to cope.

Anyway, the preppie's theory ate shit. It went something like this: Unable to admit his limitations, he had constructed this paranoid world, where administrators and professors conspired to get him. Enough disappointments occurred to feed his fear; in a very real sense the system provided millions of opportunities for people bent on destroying other people. The preppie said that his paranoia made it possible for him to accept failure because in his world, failure was not his fault.

It was too bad, he thought, the preppie was no longer on his side.

* * *

. . . you think this is too horrible to have really happened, this is too awful to be the truth! But, please. It's still hard for me to have a clear mind thinking on it. But it's the truth even if it didn't happen.

* * *

Sometimes he wanted to write about it. He finally jotted down some notes, but it made him thirsty. On his way to the Square for a drink, he stopped at the newsstand. On the cover of that month's issue of Harper's magazine: Paranoia.

* * *

Second semester, he tried to get into a creative writing seminar. The interview went well, and at the end, the professor told him that unless ten Faulkners applied, he would be admitted.

When the list was posted, his name was not on it. He phoned up the professor, who had forgotten the promise. He reminded her; she replied: "Well, I guess I got ten Faulkners. Besides, I don't make promises."

* * *

"Absence caused by misreading the examination schedule or other forms of carelessness will not be excused except by special action of the Administrative Board."