"How about Ron Ziegler, Mr. President, or rather his counsel.

"His what?

"Well, everyone on the staff has a lawyer now, sir, and Ron's attorney refuses to let him speak for himself.

"Hmmm, sounds like something I would do. Forget Ziegler, get Jeb Magruderbugger in here.

"Don't you think that's a little risky, sir. We'd have to call him off his job at the Airline Pilots Association Building, and that might give him away.

"Give him away? What the hell are you talking about, H.R.... and what's the Stewardesses Building?

"No, Mr. President, it's the Airline Pilots Association Building on Massachusetts Avenue. I thought you knew, sir -- Jeb's over there installing appliances at the new Democratic National Headquarters.

"Appliances! That did it -- get him over here. I don't care who sees who doing what anymore! And what's this 'I thought you knew, sir' business? You never tell me anything, H.R."

Enter Jeb Magruder. "Good morning, Mr. President. What a great honor to be called here to the Oval Office -- why, it's almost unbuggable!

"Look, Magruderbugger, I thought I instructed everyone in this Administration to talk Fully and Freely about Watergate just before I went off to see the Easter Bunny with Pat. What's this about you meeting a reporter on the street, mumbling 'no comment' and then racing off with a trembling lip? Between your lip and Dean's secretary's voice, there's a little too much trembling going on around here.

"True, Mr. President. But if you will recall, you purged me from the Administration for not comprehending something you called the Critical Distinction. Besides, I can't help it if my lip was trembling--I had a bad toothache and was on my way to the dentist.

"Come on, Magruderbugger! No honorable, self-respecting American is going to believe that.

"Alright, sir, I was bugging a phone booth on Massachusetts Avenue and R.W. Appleseed caught me off guard. I had to swallow the bug.

"Swallow the bug! That's it, Magruderbugger, now you've become a material witness. Have Dean give you a voucher and get over to Walter Reed post haste. That bug is coming out.

"Yes sir. Good morning, Mr. President."