"Oh, I see. Is that some kind of mixed metaphor, sir?

"Cool off, Dean. Now, that New York Times fellow, R.W Appleseed, asked Ziegler some pointed questions last week. According to my news digest, Appleseed quoted Ziegler as saying you were in your office Friday, and further, 'I don't know what he's doing. Attending to business, I assume'--uh, here Ron chuckled, it says--'business of some sort.' Just what the hell were you doing in your office Friday?

"Well, Mr. President, I was cleaning up some details of our, rather, the aborted ITT coup in Chile and disbursing $100 bills to the Watergate defendants. Their lawyers have been getting itchy for their legal fees, you know.

"Oh, so that's what you were doing. Ziegler's chuckle made it sound like you were up to something illegal. Back to your desk. Okay, H.R., get John Mitchell in here."

Enter J.N. Mitchell. "Good morning, Dickie, rather Mr. President. Pardon me.

"Pardon you for what? You aren't in jail yet.

"I keep forgetting, sir. Living with Martha is tough.

"I'm glad you mentioned her. Why didn't you tell me you were giving her injections? What's the grand jury to think when FBI agents get caught drugging the wife of my former Attorney General and campaign manager to keep her quiet?

"Mr. President, I just thought... well, you'd been dispensing injections for so many years...

"But I never got caught, John. That's the Critical Distinction. Now look here, I hear persistent rumors that you've been up to some no-no's that I wasn't aware of. True or false?

"I suppose that depends on which way you look at it, Mr. President. If you recall, when we bugged Eugene McCarthy's headquarters and then Bobby Kennedy's in 1968, you said, 'John, this is one of the finest transcripts I've ever seen in all my days in political espionage. If we can just keep this up, we'll never lose another election.' Then you went into your You-won't-have-me-to-kick-around-anymore routine. But I interpreted your remarks as tacit approval of future inquiries.

"It all comes down to the Critical Distinction, John. Why didn't you just tell me when you did the Waterdoor job? I could have covered up without sicking Spiro on The Washington Post.

"I couldn't get past Haldeman to tell you sir. H.R. (Bob) didn't think it was worth your time. He said you're a very busy man.

"Alright, that's all. I'll get you a parole--maybe use an executive pardon. Go raise some money for the National Committee.

"Who's next, H.R.?