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Movies and Plays This Weekend

* A Lovely Way to Die--A thriller, they say, with Kirk Douglas and Anna Karina. At the ORPHEUM, Washington St. across from Filene's (542-5557).

* Loves of a Blonde--Poignant comedy, if you like poignant comedy, out of Czechoslovakia. At the BRATTLE (876-4226).

* Major Dundee--Sam Peckinpah directing Charlton Heston directing the Civil War, a picture worth seeing. At the VISUAL ARTS CENTER Sunday night only, 7 p.m.

* A Night at the Opera--Groucho, Chico and Harpo make fools of Alan Jones and Kitty Carlisle. At the SYMPHONY 2, 262 Huntington Ave. (262-8837).

* Paper Lion--An ambitious attempt to depict George Plimpton in all his complexity. Sports columnists seem to like it better than movie reviewers do. At the GARY, Stuart near Tremont (542-7040).

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* Prudence and the Pill--Deborah Kerr confronts an academic question. At the FRESH POND, Fresh Pond Shopping Center (547-8800).

* Rachel, Rachel--Paul Newman tries his hand at directing and at stream-of-consciousness, with basically good results. At the MUSIC HALL, Tremont St. near Stuart (423-3300).

* Romeo and Juliet--The Shakespeare play, dressed up for the color screen by Franco Zefirelli, with teenage stars. At the ABBEY, 600 Commonwealth Ave. (262-1303).

* Therese & Isabel--Makes The Fox look like a milk-fed puppy, for whatever that's worth. At the HARVARD SQ. (864-4580).

* The Two of Us--a dog and a little boy loom large in this French-made tale of human understanding, but any cute moments are salvaged by the formidable Michel Simon. At the EXETER, Exeter St. between Commonwealth & Newbury (536-7067).

* 2001--Stanley Kubrick's epic of human adyancement, externally motivated. The special effects must be seen, and can best be seen from the first five rows. At the CINERAMA, Washington St. near Essex (482-4515).

* 2000 Maniacs--No can say. At the CENTER, Washington St. near Stuart (426-0889).

* West Side Story--Much, much worse than the show. Badly dubbed and drippily sung, but funny in places. At the SAVOY. 163 Tremont (536-2120).

* You Are What You Eat--Tiny Tim and friends romp through a small budget. At the ESQUIRE, Mass. Ave. on the Boston side of Harvard Square (491-7730), and the KENMORE, Kenmore Square (262-3799)

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