Robert Goheen, president of Princeton University, asks Vassar to consider merging with Princeton instead of Yale. "Gosh, I'm flabbergasted--I just don't know what to say," answers Alan Simpson, President of Vassar. Attorney Mark Lane dies of hoof-in-mouth disease. His last words: "...Patrick Nugent ... Texas School Book Depository ... gak! ..."

AUGUST

Oscar Handlin is posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor after he deftly parachutes through North Vietnamese antiaircraft fire in a futile attempt to rescue Harrison Salisbury. Vassar's president Simpson says he is "leaning" toward Princeton.

SEPTEMBER

Scandal breaks as police discover Ronald Reagan loitering in the men's room of an Oakland, YMCA. Young Patrick Nugent dies of St. Vitus's Dance. Dunster House ushers in the new theatre season with its universally acclaimed production of Edward Albee's Tiny Alice.

OCTOBER

Vassar's president Simpson changes his mind again and decides not to merge with anyone. Exasperated, Goheen and Kingman Brewster Jr. hold a wee-morning-hours conference in conveniently located New Rochelle, and reach agreement. Yale and Princeton merge. The Dunster House revival of Breakfast at Tiffany's breaks all box office records for the Dunster House dining room.

NOVEMBER

Richard Nixon burns himself in protest over the Vietnam war. As he shoots up in flames, he cries out to curious passerby: "You won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore."

DECEMBER

In accordance with Nixon's last will and testament, he is buried in the demilitarized zone of Vietnam. Lyndon Johnson and Ho Chi Minh break into tears at the funeral, each offering his handkerchief to the other, and in the grief of the occasion they pledge eternal peace.