THE OLD LADY FROM DUBUQUE--Her nephew wishes she wouldn't. Waxes benevolent at the alphabetical dexterity of the band; My, she opines, they certainly know their P's and Q's. Yes, replies the long suffering relative, and their D's and H's. Her own belief is that the young lady in front has been taking rum for a cold and consequently has grown evorish. Slow, heavy, this number can he relied upon to hold her own by sheer onderous weight.
YOUNG SPORTING LIFE--derbied, cooncoated, this lad will make a fashionably late entrance considerably the worse for last evening's wear but withal still hellbent for a merry-merry. Note feather in his hat and the third from the end in the second row of the "Vanities" on his arm. Constant penalties for illegal use of hands and arms, and unnecessary roughness have failed to dampen his exuberance. Extremely flashy and fast at the start, this boy will be thrown for severe losses before the weekend is concluded. Any pass of his will be not forward but out.
LITTLE MILDRED--the class of '19 baby, brought along for, as her parent now wonders, God knows what reason. At the end of the first half she will have reduced her neighbors to a state of coma. Two active legs and two satanic arms make her a quadruple threat. Throws peanut shells on the gentleman in front of her. Her father says "Mildred!" the gentleman says other things. A terrific offensive.
PHYLLIS--in from Pine Manor on an afternoon's bender and just sick because she can't stay for the tea dancing. To her, everything--including her escort--is wonderful. Her room mate knows a man who is substitute something on Dartmouth's second team and my dear, you should see him: priceless! A light line but she manages to cover territory in a surprisingly short period of time.
THE VERY HEAVY DATE--to whom this game is only one of many--and not such a good one at that. Her work is mostly overhead. She wishes she could be at the Bowl for the Army game: or at Princeton: Princeton men are so nice--doesn't he think so? Very little defense--she doesn't need any. Many of her plays are likely to be offside and she needs guarding. Nevertheless a fair catch. An excellent back, and not so bad from the front either.
LORELEI LEE--She loves it, just loves it. Her ends are questionable but her goal is very definite. Gets all the breaks--and keeps them. Penalizes for everything, including holding. Takes no time out and is a tireless worker. Starts before the whistle and quits only when the game is over or up. Will tackle practically anything. All she asks is an open field and no interference.
PATHETIC CASES
Living Low, Sweet Chariot
Lift him gently, lay him sweetly,
Bring the sackcloth bring the ash:
Here's a lad who indiscreetly
Thought it would be fun to crash.
Sad his lot, his fate most bitter:
Now his sod is decked with rue.
Passer-by, desist from titters.
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