Slipped away in spite of me;

Futile efforts I was making,

For my muddled brain was baking,

And my heart with fear was quaking

Quaking over my degree,

O'er that rare and radiant sheepskin

Writ in Latin, called "degree".

Quoth the Craven, "Not for thee!"

Dear Sir, I Am Yours Truly

Nothing is more important in situations that demand an ably written letter than ability to write it. Since no adequate course is given in the University upon the fine art of letter writing, the Crime volunteers the following perfect letters for various common occasions:

THE CATASTROPHIC LETTER

Unhappy Sir--It is best to peruse this letter in bed. If this is inconvenient, at least don't read it at a stairway, elevator shaft, or near non-resilient or sharp objects. Move away from the window now, take a deep breath and hold it. One, two, three: Your wife and kiddies dropped dead today from--Woop there! Steady man! Watch out for . . . .! As I was saying, fell dead from the Waldorf-Astoria roof. They were all playing tag football when the wife stepped back for a long drop. And do you know that flagstaff in the square below? Well, the kiddies fell on the ball. Now, now, don't take it so hard, old man. Yours in sorrow, etc.

THE DUN LETTER

Greetings Sir--In glancing casually through our files, we chanced to read your name in connection with a triviality of $900. The discovery was amazing, a sheer piece of luck, which we wish you to share. Nothing could be more painful to the management than that non-settlement of this peccadillo, this bagatelle, this merest nothing, should prey upon your conscience. We assure you, therefore, it is absolutely payable immediately. A check for this drollery will close your most desirable account, and we insist on this lest its postponement give you anxiety. Solicitously yours, etc.

CORRESPONDENCE COURSE LETTER