A Finnish bath's a flendish plot

In one's own fat to fly'

Holy Bible, Expurgated Version

The word "wine", so objectionable to sensitive souls of today, has been changed to "raisin-cake" in a new Bible published by Charles Scribner's Sons. To further the good work of Scriptural regeneration, the Uplift Societies must now get busy upon certain other errata in the texts which, though not so demoralizing as the wine passages, are nevertheless capable of improvement. Joseph's narrow escape from Mrs. Potiphar, for example, might be changed--indeed must be changed to read as follows:

"And it came to pass after these things, that Potiphar's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph, for verily, why shouldn't she? he was good to look upon. And she said, Have a cup of ten with me.

"But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, there is none greater in this house than I, neither hath my master kept back anything from me but tea, because tea is the luxury of the English, and Zagloul Pasha hath forbidden the Egyptians to fall into the evil ways of the idle-worshippers. How then can I do this great wickedness?

"And she caught him by his garment, saying. Do have a cup of tea with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out."

Sooner or Later

Lives there a man with soul so dead

Who never to himself hath said,

"Upon my life, I'll never wed"?

But in good time the female dread.

More potent than the vow he pled.

So works upon his feeble head

He begs to earn her daily bread,