Crash!

Business School Boosters have shown lots of sand in convincing the world that business is a profession. Now they announce that their monument to this conviction is to be set up on piles. It all sounds like the parable of the man who built his house upon false foundations, and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and behold! the house--where was it?

Finished by a Finnish Bath

No Finnish baths are to be installed at Harvard. Athletes at Soldiers Field who have never been either burned at the stake or boiled in oil don't know what they've missed; but one who has undergone the Finnish ordeal volunteers his experience.

Dramatis persona: I.

Scene: Sealed cauldron at 212 F., called for convenience "Finnish bath."

Time: Eternity after the first minute.

I gasp, I choke,

From steam and smoke

I'm much more dead than not;

My tongue is parched,

I'm quite unstarched,

My skin, is reeking hot;

A roasted pig within the pot

Is not more seared than I;

A Finnish bath's a flendish plot

In one's own fat to fly'

Holy Bible, Expurgated Version

The word "wine", so objectionable to sensitive souls of today, has been changed to "raisin-cake" in a new Bible published by Charles Scribner's Sons. To further the good work of Scriptural regeneration, the Uplift Societies must now get busy upon certain other errata in the texts which, though not so demoralizing as the wine passages, are nevertheless capable of improvement. Joseph's narrow escape from Mrs. Potiphar, for example, might be changed--indeed must be changed to read as follows:

"And it came to pass after these things, that Potiphar's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph, for verily, why shouldn't she? he was good to look upon. And she said, Have a cup of ten with me.

"But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, there is none greater in this house than I, neither hath my master kept back anything from me but tea, because tea is the luxury of the English, and Zagloul Pasha hath forbidden the Egyptians to fall into the evil ways of the idle-worshippers. How then can I do this great wickedness?

"And she caught him by his garment, saying. Do have a cup of tea with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out."

Sooner or Later

Lives there a man with soul so dead

Who never to himself hath said,

"Upon my life, I'll never wed"?

But in good time the female dread.

More potent than the vow he pled.

So works upon his feeble head

He begs to earn her daily bread,

And she is willing to be fed,

Says "Yes" with feigning blush so red

You'd think she shunned the bridal bed--

Alas! alack! to this he's led.

He's taken in, his freedom's fled.

The pronouncement of Cardinal Hayes that "decent people cannot go to the theatre" makes the members of the nascent Harvard Theatregoers Club seem a singularly vicious set of young men.

To the Criminal:

Brines recently advertised in the CRIMSON. "Tuxedo Coat and Pant $45.00." Of course if you are used to it, one pant may be well enough within the family circle where such little peculiarities are readily pardoned; but there are times when the second pant is desirable, not to say indispensable, even for semi-formal wear. It adds so much to one's sense of security, especially among strangers, to know that one pant is secure and unshakable on the right leg, and that the other pant occupies an impregnable position on the left. Beau Leggs