The buzz of the fall semester at Harvard centers around summer plans, internships, and research. And suddenly, it seems your worth in society is determined by how many Linkedin connections you have. This is, most obviously, untrue — your worth in society is based on how many Instagram followers you have. As the new class arrived, and the influx of follow requests from the “I Got In! Class of 2028” pages dwindled to a slow crawl a few weeks into my freshman fall, I had an emergency on my hands: my Instagram follower/following ratio was trash.
This was an issue of the utmost importance to me. My follower count had taken a pause, and with all of the followers gained from clubs, classes, and freshman camaraderie, I was washed up. Yet still, the three-digit number taunted me — horrible, unaesthetic, and downright embarrassing. I needed to fix this. If you find yourself in a similar situation of aura debt, follow these steps to secure some rightfully deserved followers.
Make Posters
Protests? Nope! House party flyers that will be (dry) and swarmed with first-years? No! Club open houses? Of course not, you silly goose! A QR code with a hyperlink to my Instagram? Yes!
Solicit at Annenberg
If you can manage to push through the improv groups stalking the Annenberg doors, this is a pretty solid method. I found that standing outside of the exit to Berg and then hastily gripping my classmates by their shoulders as they tried to escape (walk away) from me to be an adequate method.
Going Table to Table During Brain Break
The ugly twin of the previous method. The risk-reward ratio of this one was all sorts of messed up. While the chance of absolute ridicule is high (and likely), similarly, the chance of gaining 10+ new followers with one stone is a high reward. Best to weigh this one out on your own — you’re smart.
Business Cards
This works great when accompanied by the previous tactic. It really just gives the people something to remember you by. A great time to finally figure out Crimson Print too! (Even if it’s the end of the semester).
Email Classmates on Canvas
I’m sad to say I only just discovered this feature on Canvas now that allows you to click on a classmate’s name and send them a quick, cordial, little email of your choosing. And while I am ashamed to say I only found out about this post-experiment, this seems to me now to be a valuable option to plug that Instagram.
Post on House Email Lists
This will vary on the House, depending on what frequency your residents spam you at, but if your email manages not to get buried by the onslaught of emails (we are looking at you, Pfoho) this is a great way to fish for mutuals.
Slip it in Door Boxes
What a great way to spread the word! I am sure everyone would love to see your Instagram in their door boxes. An excellent example of free speech, intellectual vitality, civil discourse, and flourishing on campus. But don’t you worry about your message getting neglected: just stick it in a pristine white envelope and place it directly in sophomores’ doors! Maybe just don’t let it fall into the Salient.
Ask Your Friends at Flyby
See your classmates for what they are, not your fellow club members but numbers.
At the start of my journey, my follower count sat at a humble 892. At the conclusion of my journey, I can now proudly say that my Instagram follower count is 1,044. That is a record breaking increase of 152 followers in a week! I am giving myself a pat on the back for this. So if you too want more Instagram clout, hopefully these tips will help. (And follow me on Instagram everybody, please.)