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I am an addict. Like down bad, lost in the trenches addict. My choice of poison? Sidechat.

There is something special — some would even say beautiful — about your first week on Sidechat. I sit in class restless, desperately craving that surge of dopamine I know will flood me when I finally clock out for the night. All my midterm worries and psets are put aside for my delightful hour of being an iPad kid. You may view me as a fallen soldier, but that pink tear-drop smiley face will never leave my home screen, not even after graduation. It’ll be the one thing keeping me from becoming washed up and also unc…

Truth be told, that icon has become the last thing I see before I hit my pillow, and the first thing that greets me in the morning. Both my most embarrassing habit and favorite activity, Sidechat, is ingrained in my routine now, whether I like it or not. My naive freshman self thought I was too good for the app, that there was no need to know everyone else’s thoughts. But that just makes for a dull, insipid evening (source: the poor souls who have to pull an all-nighter in Lamont without a glorious five minute scroll break). I’m so glad I finally caved and joined the app I had been depriving myself of for TWO whole months. Wow.

Now I know it sounds like I am chronically online and need to put the phone down. That I am the living embodiment of why instructors might put device-free standards in place. But the ironic thing is, I consider myself generally offline. For the past two years, I have gone TikTok free (one of my more valiant achievements, in my opinion), have set screen limits on apps I find myself stuck on (but don’t ask me if I always adhere to those), and try to end my nights off with a book in hand. Are you proud, mom?#nobluelightafter10pm. And yet somehow Sidechat has made habits years in the making go to sh*t.

What can I say? The allure of its anonymity really draws you in. What if I know the man who is going off online about how he did not get into Spee? He could be in my section, or walk right by me after hitting post, and I would be utterly oblivious. In this great sea of people, I somehow feel immersed in the lives of others, constantly refreshing the app to see if there are any new scandals or Remy photos to catch up on. If this isn’t the greatest indicator of campus culture being fostered, I don’t know what is.

With its Twitter-esque style of just perpetual doomscrolling to no end, it makes me kick my feet with glee. I’m not scrolling with the deluded belief that every post I come across is going to make me laugh, but I know one that is looming just three swipes away will. 100%. And when I find that hidden gem that makes me stifle a little laugh in the middle of my 9 a.m., it makes all that time wasted worth it.

Sure, there are definitely probably more optimal choices I could be making, but I don’t want to. When I open Sidechat it means the only thing I have the energy to do is Sidechat. If I tried to finish a paper at that moment, my productivity would still be lower than during reading period. So why wouldn't I choose brain-rot instead? Sorry, Laibson and Furman. I wish I could be a better economic agent, but I have to face reality.

I acknowledge that the relationship between me and Sidechat is unhealthy, but you just don’t get her the way I do. And even though I know that, in two weeks’ time, my honeymoon phase will start to fizzle out and my obsession will subside, for now I choose to soak up every second of my first week on Sidechat. It only happens once, ladies. Consider my cherry #popped.

Anyone resisting the inevitable, you cannot stop it. If you think you won't succumb to the App Store download, I fear FOMO is no match for that mindset. But I promise you, life will become so much brighter once you open the door to this next chapter. What Sidechat and I have is precious, and my college experience would not be the same had I not clicked install. Just like how people are reenergized by seeing their friends, one hour on Sidechat is the battery that keeps me running for the day. No Blank Street daydream latte needed.