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It’s that beautiful time of year again, when midterms never seem to end and Halloweekend is an impending blur. Family weekend is scheduled in the midst of all this chaos, and you completely forgot that your parents are coming to town. But don’t fret, little one. Your friends at Flyby are here to save the day with our guide on how to get your life together before that.
Clean your room
The most important thing on the list. You can’t have a dirty room when your parents come to visit — you’ll never hear the end of it! Vacuum the floor. Clear your desk (throw out those dirty coffee cups). Take out the trash (please).
Empty your backpack
This isn’t even about impressing your parents; it’s just good advice. Get rid of the bulky papers and notebooks you don’t need to avoid developing premature scoliosis. God forbid you find a rotten banana at the bottom.
Eat fruit… or eat breakfast
Eating fruit (or even just breakfast) this one time will give you a boost of energy. It will make up for all the malnourishment you’ve endured this midterm season. You’ll seem so happy, energetic, and lively to your parents.
End your evil situationship
You don’t want any awkward text messages popping up while you’re trying to show your parents cute photos of you and the roommates from FDOC. Also save yourself the pain of having to go through the equally awkward “what are we” conversation right before Thanksgiving break.
Clean your water bottle
Rinsing your bottle out with water before you fill it doesn’t count. Get Dawn and go scrub that thang. Or, just run it through the tray return. There’s a colony of microorganisms growing in your water bottle, and it’s begging you to be cleaned. Drink some water while you’re at it, too.
Wash your sheets
In addition to cleaning your room, you need to wash your sheets. And no, don’t just do this for Sidechat karma — actually go downstairs and do it. You don’t want your parents to die of a stink bomb when they can smell your sheets. Eek.
Stage a fake encounter with friends
This will leave a great impression on your parents. Stage a run-in with a peer and make it look as accidental as possible. It will make you look well-socialized and hip to your parents (even though you aren’t).
Display your Vitamin C supplements on your desk
This will make your mom happy. You’re taking charge of your own wellbeing (ha!).
Iron your clothes
Consider folding your clothes and putting them away? Or at least pick them up from the floor so there’s space to stand. You really won’t hear the end of this if you don’t.
Buy them gifts
Just shove Harvard family merch into their hands as soon as they arrive. This will hopefully distract them from asking about how midterms are going.
Subscribe to the Flyby mailing list
This way, you’ll be well aware of campus activities and meals, and have plenty of funny jokes to tell your parents to earn their love and validation.
If you follow these tasks carefully, you can convince your parents that you are a well-functioning member of society. Act vigilantly. Present yourself in the best light possible. Don’t give them more material to gossip about over Thanksgiving dinner, while you sit in the corner and try your best not to get ragebaited. Just remember that hey, you belong here. And you are doing your best, even if your life is sort of a mess right now. So lock in, and get your life together for the weekend, and make your dear parents proud.