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Whether you’re an incoming freshman or a socially confused upperclassman, conversation at Harvard can be more challenging than even your hardest classes. Thought Poisson distribution was hard? Try holding a conversation. With underlying meaning and inflection, it can be difficult to decipher someone's true meaning and intention. That’s why we’ve compiled a few common passive aggressive phrases to keep in the back of your mind during the conversation or when you overthink about it after (or maybe even to use on other people ;)).
Social Passive Aggression
What they say: “We should grab a meal sometime!”
What they mean: They just want to end the conversation quickly. They most likely don’t actually want to grab a meal, but just want a way out of the conversation without being an asshole. Occasionally, though, someone will mean it with good intentions, so use your discretion.
What they say: “You can use my Calendly to schedule our hangout/ I’ll send you a G-Cal invite.”
What they mean: They’re busier than you in every possible way. Absolutely DO NOT actually schedule a casual hangout using their Calendly. If they can’t juggle their social life and school without an online planner, then they probably don’t have time to be good friends.
What they say: “It’s really competitive.”
What they mean: There's two meanings for this phrase depending on the club that you’re talking about. Option one is that the club comp is actually open and completion based — so, lowkey, they’re making fun of it. Option two is that the club is actually really competitive, and they don’t want you to apply as competition. They’re trying to imply that you’re not qualified enough to join. Don’t let this deter you from applying: you’ll likely make it in.
What they say: “I’ve never heard of that club.”
What they mean: They’ve definitely heard of the club, unless it's super niche like a club we wanted to reference here but couldn’t think of because we haven’t heard of it. This person actually submitted their application before even showing up on campus, and are friends with the club’s board and president.
School Passive Aggression
What they say: Maybe you should go to office hours/ MQC if you have so many questions.
What they mean: Please stop asking them for help or pset answers. They’re probably just busy or you’re asking at a bad time. I’m guilty of saying this one, and you probably should go to office hours to work on the assignment.
What they say: That exam was really hard! I didn’t finish early. (Extra points if you’re actually sobbing/complaining about the exam in front of them.)
What they mean: They’re simultaneously stressed about how they did on the exam, and still think they did better than you. But don’t worry! It’s Harvard, so you passed. Unless it’s Math 21B.
What they say: I already finished that assignment…
What they mean: Unless they really are ahead on their work (a very low probability), they probably haven’t finished the assignment, and want to see how far you actually are on it. You’ll see them in office hours right before the assignment is due to finalize answers. Give them grace, as they're probably stressed from the assignment already.
What they say: I heard that class is supposed to be a gem.
What they mean: Unless they’re also taking the class, they’re definitely judging you for taking easy classes, and not academically challenging yourself. Please use your free time to find new friends.
Most of the time, these passive aggressive phrases are signs that you should talk to someone else, or find a new partner. If you’re continuing to receive these phrases, I recommend reflecting inwards and identifying that maybe you are the problem. Whatever the case may be, good luck navigating Harvard’s complex social scene.