{shortcode-556c25d919a89bc74a4681088714ac63c74423cf}Have you ever not struggled getting home from a party in the Cabot Aquarium? Just us? Yeah, we didn’t think so. Never have we ever had a wholesome night in the Cabot Aquarium, and never will we ever. Here’s why Nothing Good ever happens there.

It’s in the Quad.

We get it, the Quad seems like some mythical faraway place, and just the thought of making the (short) trek on the shuttle makes you want to take a couple extra shots. Unfortunately, this preemptive pregame means that by the time you get to the Cabot Aquarium, you’ll be extra drunk and more of a mess than you normally would be. Nothing good can come of this.

The floors are super slippery

We feel like this is self explanatory. We cannot tell you how many people we’ve seen fall in the Cabot Aquarium not from drunkenness, but from sheer lack of friction. Honestly, a mess.

Where are the bathrooms?

If you don’t live in Cabot it can be hella confusing to find the bathrooms, even though most events put signs up to guide you. You’ll end up using the gym bathrooms where the stalls are falling apart, or getting lost in the tunnels forever.

It’s just not safe.

Aside from falling, we have been fallen on, have lost friends in the fray, and have been electrocuted. No, we’re not over it. We are traumatized.

This all said, there is one Good Thing that happens in the Cabot Aquarium: Saskia’s. This queer and POC-affirming party/drag show is one of the best things we have witnessed on this campus. So yes, Cabot Aquarium is conducive to messiness, but where else are you going to get super drunk, listen to actual DJs play music, wear literally whatever makes you feel the most you, and watch queens perform?

But, back to our mantra of Nothing Good happening: we’ve seen one too many sloppy, full-on-straddling-on-the-sofa makeouts in this space to ever make it seem seemly.