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We told the Quadlings why they need a River Daddy, but it’s not just Quad folk who need refuge—there are plenty of reasons why you River dwellers should get yourself a Quad Daddy.

The Weekend Sleepover

When you’re smashed at a party in Cabot Aquarium and it’s 3 a.m., how are you going to get home? Walking? Ew. Uber? Not everyone has that kind of money. It’s much easier to sleep over at your Quad Daddy’s house than make that awful trek back. Plus, most Quad kids have singles, meaning Quad Daddy doesn’t need to ask permission from a roommate.

The Shuttle Avoidance

It’s Friday. Do you really want to get on the shuttle to go back to the river? That never-actually-running phantom train that may or may not exist? The one that consistently contains strange characters and drunk freshmen? That’s what I thought. You’re lazy and you know it. Might as well stay there for the weekend.

Pfoho Daddy

House guinea pigs? Orthography? Massage chairs? Use your Pfoho Daddy to stage weekend getaways where you walk around Pfoho in a robe looking like French royalty, while gazing upon Quad residents like they’re the Parisian peasantry. Just be careful to not let them cut off your head... Let your Pfoho Daddy guide you through the wilderness.

Cabot Daddy

Slide into Cabot and you also have an in with Rakesh. He’ll rap Hamilton for you. He’ll waive your sanctions. What more could you possibly ask for? Your Cabot Daddy and the rest of Cabot's are pluses too.

Currier Daddy

Currier. Has. Segways. The only reason you need to find a Currier Daddy is to gain access to those coveted gifts from paradise. Plus, their mascot is Woody the Tree, so you can really easily ask your Currier Daddy to show you Woody *winks*.

So call all your friends that you know in the Qua... oh, right. You know no one in the Quad. Better get to some parties up there. Get yourself a Quad Daddy.