The news is important, we get it, but we can barely keep up with our Facebook and Insta accounts as is, let alone keep track of Harvard finances. For those us who are hearing the words "Capital Campaign" thown around for the first time these past few days, here's a quick and dirty guide to get you up to speed:

What happened on Saturday? Why was Bill Gates here?

This past Saturday, with the help of administrators, professors, alumni, and a cereal box celebrity endorsement from Bill Gates, Harvard University officially kicked off its potentially record-breaking capital campaign. The goal is to raise $6.5 billion over roughly the next five years. Or rather, the University hopes to raise just $3.7 billion to add on to the meager $2.8 billion already raised, all of which will eventually be thrown, at some point in the future, into the University’s $30.7 billion milk jar. Only Bill, a Harvard dropout, can beat that kind of money.

What is the capital campaign? What is it for?

After two years of quietly pleading for money, Harvard proudly announced this effort to publically plead for money on Saturday afternoon. And let’s be real, we don't quite know exactly what it’s for: the administration vaguely mentioned that the funds raised will be used to better fund teaching and research, financial aid, “student experience,” capital improvements, and collaborations and initiatives—but what does all that mean for the actual experience of students? Where is the money going? Hopefully toward more petting zoo days by the Science Center. Isn’t $30.7 billion enough? No, never. Are we just doing this to beat out Stanford and their $6.2 billion campaign? We don’t have to—we’re  already better than them.

Who’s paying for all of this?

University President Drew G. Faust creatively manipulated her speech to mention “the future” practically every two minutes in order to lure in doe-eyed alumni into donating their pocket change—and we’re talking deep pockets—to the school. The main point of her 30-minute address? “The future requires something more” than just the best thinkers from all over the world: it requires more money.