It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. You had a long morning full of classes, but that’s over now. Congratulations, you made it to lunch, the best part of your day. Up the stairs and through the doors, swipe that HUID and you’re in the d-hall. You see some friends saving a spot at a table so you throw your backpack down, pick up your cutlery, and proceed to the buffet. The only obstacles in between you and a perfect lunch are a few of Harvard’s most pressing first-world problems.As you approach the salad bar, you’ll find Exhibit A: tomatoes cut in quarters and circle-sliced cucumbers. The size is simply outrageous. How many times have you been caught mid-conversation, trying to fit the quarter tomato or awkwardly large slice of cucumber into your mouth? Sexual jokes aside, the cucumber and tomato slices are just too big. Honestly, who wants a quarter of a tomato for their salad? Serving tomatoes cut into smaller slices would create fewer awkward silences and a smoother salad-eating experience.

That salad line sure was a jungle but now you’ve hit all the food stations and you’re almost in the clear. You just have to deal with obstacle number two: the slow filtered-water dispenser. Everyone in front of you is filling up their DAPA water bottles and using the chilled filtered tab, easily the slowest stream. Seriously, the flow is weaker than Mac Miller’s latest album. All you want is a plastic cup half-filled with ice and seltzer, definitely the fastest combo. Is it better to be slightly dehydrated or wait 20 minutes? Either way you’re guaranteed to leave frustrated.

All these annoyances seem to fade away as you approach the froyo machine. But there’s one thing missing: toppings. Aside from Sunday Sundaes, there are rarely sprinkles or oreo crumbles or chocolate syrup. Nothing says “blah my day sucks” more than a bowl of plain vanilla froyo in an off-white bowl. Pro-tip! The whipped cream is in the fridge! You could potentially go four years without discovering this secret, but luckily we at Flyby are committed to journalistic excellence and aim to relentlessly expose such corruption.

Armed with this knowledge, we hope that you can enter the dining hall fully prepared to deal with these inconveniences. These aren’t the biggest problems in the world, and they’re not stopping us from living life to the fullest. However, they can be easily solved for the betterment of humanity. We'd never overestimate the weight of our words, but we would be surprised if there isn’t a new status quo by the time the next government shutdown rolls around.