Thwarted romance, dramatic twists, and a how-to lesson in toolishness characterize the newest episode of the Ivory Tower.  Forgotten what’s come to pass this year among the Kenya-visiting, insect-swapping, star-crossed lovers of the HUTV soap opera? Get caught up and get the low down on Episode 3 right here.

Previously, Rob (Philip M. Gillen II ’13) returned from Kenya to find that his ex-girlfriend Nikki (Rebecca E. Feinberg ’13) had moved on and started dating a dude by the name of Wes Dooley (Cameron M. Johnstone ’12), who happened to be the star of the popular movie  “Dartek” (directed by "Transformers" director Michael Bay, of course).  The only people in the world of the Ivory Tower who don’t seem entirely captivated by Dooley’s charm are Rob, his friend Mel (Caroline R. Giuliani ’11), and Nikki. Nikki? That’s right, Gillen says Nikki is “not entirely sure what she wants.”

The same cannot be said for Gillen’s character.

“At this point my character is desperate to get Nikki back,” said Gillen. “He adopts all the mannerisms and everything he sees about Wes that he thinks Nikki likes.”

Cue the makeover montage in which Rob’s friends transform him into Rob “Tool Point 0,” putting him through a regimen of weight training, whiskey chugging, croquet playing, and preppy-clothes shopping—all to get the girl.

While Mel serves as his taskmaster, she also claims she sees the whole ordeal as an “I-told-you-so” waiting to happen, which might be why she flips him off of a couch in one scene.

“The consistent theme of the episode is abusing my body in every way possible,” said Gillen.

In the Dartek premiere scene, for instance, Gillen said he had to trip down the stairs of the theatre repeatedly for at least seven takes.

Before Dartek begins, Michael Bay (played by an actor in the Math Department, Robert C. Rogers) gives a profound speech involving life, art, and outer space—and you’ll have to check out the episode to find out what Bay does when his perfect movie screening goes haywire due to some film-swapping chaos. We can tell you one thing though: there are a whole lot of expletives involved.

Besides tour groups and Cambridge street performers seeking 15 minutes of fame and interfering with filming on a fairly regular basis, the student-written and directed soap opera is “always a big gigglefest,” Gillen added.

Will Nikki and Wes stay together? Is Nikki really over Rob? What physical abuse will befall Rob next? Only time will tell on the Ivory Tower.