Just as the True Love Revolution debate has been winding down in the States, Der Spiegel—one of Germany's widest-circulating magazines—published a tongue-in-cheek account of abstinence within Harvard's "ivy-clad walls." But seriously, who needs Gregor P. Von Schmitz to tell them that no one at Harvard has sex?

Von Schmitz, though, is quite familiar with the German-speaking world's insatiable thirst for information on Harvard's, apparently satiable, sex drive. A quick web search revealed that he authored Der Speigel's 2004 special on H-Bomb (including a photo album of scantily clad "Harvards Elitestudenten").

After trying and failing to translate the text online, we were lucky enough to find a German expat capable of explaining the subtleties of the country’s obsession with Harvard's perpetually maligned libido.

The article, playfully titled "Unimädchen-Report" after a series of enormously popular German pornographic videos, satirically mocks abstinence on college campuses.

In the piece, Von Schmitz characterizes TLR’s Co-President Rachel L. Wagley '11 as an "abstinence apostle" crusading "against carnal lust."

Von Schmitz pokes fun at Wagley's claim that "'those who engage in premarital sex are more prone to depression and more likely to get divorced'" by snarkily reminding Der Spiegel's readers that "she just read some brand new scientific literature to this effect."

If you are afraid that an article portraying Harvard students as a bunch of prudes might have ruined your prospects for romance during your upcoming study-abroad in Munich, don't fret: Lena Chen '09-'10, infamous Harvard sex blogger, defends those Cantabs who may not qualify as "abstinence apostle[s]."

Chen, described in the article as a "sex-lover" who "enthralls the males on campus with her ultra-short miniskirts," informs Von Schmitz that "a strong woman would not be ashamed of premarital sex: 'It is unrealistic that every person that I actually have sex with is important to me. Sex simply feels good.’”

And, if Munich turns out to be a bust (no, not that kind of bust!), you still have much to look forward to at Harvard: weekly Stein Clubs and, apparently, the world’s fascination with what happens once the keg runs dry.