Where there’s email, there’s spam. With a plethora of list-servs at their fingertips, Harvard students have gotten pretty adept at sending out provocative, enticing, and downright ludicrous statements in order to pump up attendance for whatever a cappella jam/dance show/charity event/speakers’ panel/massive orgy that is going on at the moment. It's all spam to FlyBy. But, you know what they say: one man's trash is another man's treasure. So here are some of the most weird, funny, and heartbreaking spam excerpts that FlyBy found in its recent inbox memory. Try to guess what they're about (you will fail). Answers after the jump.

1) “BEST CAKE EVER…”

2) “we help you explore your greatest dreams and sickest fantasies!”

3) “Get Yourself Stuffed!!”

4) “But Marty McFly can travel in space and time, so why can’t you?”

5) “Sooo…Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be on campus Wednesday…”

6) “Go to Hawaii for $7!”

1) [BEST CAKE EVER...] “…is going to be at the opening night of The Exonerated,” a play about six death-row inmates who were exonerated decades afterwards. Cake and falsely convicted criminals? FlyBy does not see the connection. After following a youtube link and watching a nearly-three minute long montage done to Aerosmith, FlyBy still found no signs of cake. Hungry and confused.

2) [“we help you explore your greatest dreams and sickest fantasies!”] From an advertisement for the Exodus: Escape Reality show put on by Expressions Dance Company. If narcophiliacs with foot fetishes and law school ambitions show up, all FlyBy can say is: be careful what you ask for.

3) [“Get Yourself Stuffed!!”]. With dumplings in select common rooms or delivered to your dorm. Is there a more awkward way of promoting an otherwise appealing and delicious food? This sounded downright dirty.

4) [“But Marty McFly can travel in space and time, so why can’t you?”] Nope, you cannot travel through time in a stylish ride and no, you still definitely cannot make out with your mom while she was still hot. You can, however, attend South East Asia Night where eight dishes are served to help you get over your Freudian desires and dreams to dance like a duck at prom with zero social consequences.

5) [“Sooo…Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be on campus Wednesday…”]... Right.

6) [“Go to Hawaii for $7!”] So, the economy is not doing so well. And yes, airlines are facing their fair share of woes but a chance to go to Hawaii for $7? If it sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is. Although $7 won’t be enough to check in your luggage at the airport, it can score you a ticket to the Hawaiian club’s Lu’au. Which takes place, incidentally, in a dining hall. On campus.

Dropping these lines may be appealing, all they really do is induce us to scan over the email, be really confused/cry a little on the inside, press delete, and never remember the aforementioned a cappella jam/dance show/charity event/speakers’ panel/massive orgy anyways. Thanks for nothing, every student group on campus.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons