One thing that made that boy’s coming out easier is that his parents never assumed he was straight. And that’s something that many of us are guilty of when talking to other people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received unsolicited advice from adults and peers alike on finding a boyfriend. When we assume everyone is straight, we send the message that LGBTQ people are abnormal or nonexistent. Nine-year-old Becina heard that message loud and clear, and it erased her queer existence.

I’ve reread my email many times, looking for clues that I recognized my crush on Kelsie. So far, I’ve found nothing. I was completely oblivious.

My memories of Kelsie are fond, but I definitely don’t remember liking her as much as I implied in the email. While I have vivid memories of crushes on boys in my class, I have none of my crush on Kelsie. Because I didn’t have the proper language to describe how I felt, I just categorized her as a friend, and thus remembered her as a friend. It makes me wonder what other queer relics from my childhood have been lost forever due to insufficient language and understanding. How many crushes do I not remember? How many daydreams will I never revisit? How much life has been swept away, never to be retrieved?

Heteronormativity stole not only part of my childhood, but also part of my identity. While I may never get that back, I’m determined to help build a world where this doesn’t happen to any other kids. There are a few steps we can all take to make sure this comes true. For starters, don’t make assumptions. Rather than asking a girl if she has a boyfriend, ask if she’s in a relationship (or don’t ask at all unless it’s relevant). Speak up when you hear a homophobic comment. If a child asks you about an LGBTQ topic, don’t treat it as a taboo; just answer their question as you would any other. Watch and talk about shows and movies that portray LGBTQ characters in a positive way.

Most importantly, find any way you can to help normalize LGBTQ culture in our greater society. End heteronormativity. It’s done enough harm.

Becina J. Ganther ’20 is a Crimson Editorial writer living in Wigglesworth Hall. Her column appears on alternate Thursdays.