Somehow, male sexuality seems less dangerous, less taboo, and less inappropriate than female sexuality. McCain’s desire to “hit it, after wrapping myself head-to-toe in latex and spraying her with Lysol” seems more acceptable than my desire to have the “freedom to have as many sexual partners as I want without being looked down on.”

While I am glad that McCain has embraced his sexuality, I wish that he and the rest of our society would extend the same courtesy to me. If he is allowed to be a sexual being, then why am I not allowed to be one? Why do women get shamed for their sexuality when men do not?

This double standard is exemplified in the words we use to describe those who have multiple sexual partners. For women, “whore” and “tramp” have decidedly negative undertones, suggesting contamination and lowliness. For men, however, “womanizer” or “player” are much more positive, evoking conquest and domination.

Slut-shaming, as a phenomenon, is uniquely directed towards women. It is defined as the idea of shaming women for being sexual, having multiple sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, or acting upon those sexual feelings. In other words, we shame women for acting as sexual subjects, rather than the sexual objects they are expected to be.

Sexual objects are the sexy female models whose breasts, butts, and legs are used to sell things like milk, deodorant, and cars. They are meant to turn other people on; they are not meant to be turned on themselves. In our society, we expect women to be sexual objects. Women are meant to be sexy to other people, but they are not meant to enjoy sex themselves. I’m meant to be seen as sexy by Robert Stacy McCain, but I sure as hell am not meant to enjoy sex myself.

Sexual subjects, on the other hand, have sexual desires, pursue sex, and enjoy sex. Sound familiar? That’s right. Women who choose to act as sexual subjects are the very same ones we call sluts. And in desiring the “freedom to have as many sexual partners as I want without being looked down on,” I made myself a sexual subject. I became a slut.

If enjoying sex makes me a slut, then I’m glad to be one. But I want to live in a world where enjoying sex isn’t just a privilege reserved for men. I want to live in a world where female masturbation is just as accepted as male masturbation is, a world where women watching porn isn’t considered unusual, a world where depictions of female pleasure in movies get the same PG-13 rating that depictions of male pleasure do, a world where it’s acceptable for women to have casual sex the same way men can. I want to live in a world where women can simply admit that yes, they want sex just as much as anyone else.

Unfortunately, that just isn’t the world we live in right now. And historically, that hasn’t been what the world looked like. For centuries, female sexuality has been repressed and controlled. Under the patriarchy, where women were nothing more than property her father intended to pass down to a male heir, a woman’s virginity was paramount. What husband would want a wife who has already slept with another man? What husband would want “damaged goods?”

Therefore, the control of female sexuality was central to the patriarchy. A father was expected to safeguard his daughter’s virginity and ensure her sexual purity by secluding her from the rest of society, closing her off from educational and career opportunities. Should the daughter somehow find a way to have sex before marriage, the father, along with his sons, might even murder her in an “honor killing.”

In describing the patriarchy, I use the past tense because, though it still exists, it no longer manifests itself so overtly in places like the United States. However, for many girls and women in other parts of the world, this is still very much so their reality.

Though time has passed and things have largely improved for women in places like the United States, vestiges of the patriarchy still remain in our customs and habits—and while some are harmless, others are considerably less so. We continue to wear white at weddings, we continue to have fathers escort the brides down the aisle, we continue to hold purity balls—but most importantly, we continue to slut-shame.

We, as a society, can do better. And we, as individuals, can definitely do better. As long as people like Robert Stacy McCain continue to uphold outmoded sexist values and reinforce double standards, you can bet there will be people like me (and, hopefully, you) challenging those beliefs and working towards a world of greater gender equality—a world where sexuality is embraced as a natural and wonderful thing, not targeted as a source of shame, for men and women alike.

Nian Hu ’18, a Crimson editorial executive, lives in Mather House.