What a surprise, am I right? Cornell is so good this year! I mean, they lost to Harvard, but so does everyone. Other than that, they’ve rolled straight through their opponents, surprisingly enough. Check out the preview from last week for more info on how bad Cornell has been in the past. They are, however, playing a Sacred Heart team that’s 4-1 on the season. Regardless, I’m cheering for Cornell. Everyone likes a surprise. Like the Oakland Raiders. Or Donald Trump.

Prediction: Cornell 31, Sacred Heart 21

TOWSON AT DARTMOUTH

To be perfectly honest, I’ve never heard of Towson before. Apparently it’s in Maryland. Who cares. They’ve lost all but one this season including a blowout loss to USF in the season opener. At least they’re playing good teams. Dartmouth is 0-2 in the Ivy League and lost to Yale, but they were supposed to be Harvard’s toughest competition this season. To quote Obi Wan Kenobi, “You were the chosen one!” Well I’m choosing you to lose. So hah! Just kidding, Dartmouth has this one.

Prediction: Dartmouth 24, Towson 17

COLUMBIA AT PENN

Big surprise: Columbia is bad at football. They’re 1-3 so far even losing to Georgetown. Penn, on the other hand, will very likely be the Crimson’s biggest game this season. They’re 2-2 but are undefeated in the Ivies and lost to the powerhouses that are Fordham and Lehigh. As upset as I am that I have to go to Philadelphia to watch the game against Harvard, just as much as I believe that it’s ridiculous a football team’s mascot is named after a group of pacifists, I also believe in Penn.

Prediction: Penn 35, Columbia 10

BROWN AT PRINCETON

I don’t know. Princeton is 3-1. They’ll probably win, right?

Prediction: Princeton 42, Brown 17

Staff writer Gant Player can be reached at

wplayer@college.harvard.edu.