As for Courtney, everything has gone wrong this year. Playing a motivated Penn senior Miles Jackson-Cartwright won’t help.

Pick: Penn

DARTMOUTH V. YALE

Last October, news broke that Yale students had taken to defecating in laundry hampers, presumably soiling a perfectly good ensemble of dark blue polos and light brown trousers. This Tuesday, Bulldog students once again tarnished a sacred space. As if the Poopetrator-ruined laundry was not enough, a student crawling through the lower level of a Yale library wrapped in a red sleeping bag redefined the meaning of Lamonster. Logically, one student screamed and called it a snake; another thought it was poisonous.I do say, Howard, we must call the authorities. The ruffians are at it again.

Pick: Yale

HARVARD V. BROWN

Last time Harvard visited Providence, Brown coach Mike Martin had this to say after his team lost: “Are they a better team than us? Absolutely. Should we compete better than we did tonight? Absolutely. It’s unacceptable.” Since then, Brown has been 11-6 in the Ivy League and hasn’t lost any of those games by more than 10 points. It’s not quite the Dennis Green tantrum, but Martin’s rage has worked wonders.

Pick: Harvard

PENN V. PRINCETON

When this matchup was first announced, everybody thought it was going to feature two elite teams playing for what would be regional superiority. Fans experienced nostalgia for the glory days of the two squads, one of which had arguably the league’s best player. Quickly though, it became apparent that this game wouldn’t live up to the hype or the ones that came before it. Truly a shame.When put in those terms, Space Jam 2 sounds a lot like next Wednesday’s Penn-Princeton matchup, doesn’t it?

Pick: Princeton

—Staff writer David Freed can be reached at david.freed@thecrimson.com.