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We know the drill, it’s our third time roasting
Pitted us against the same writer, to that we are toasting
A little sparse with your roast last year
You probably shed a tear at our jeer
You should have seen us boasting
Rhodes Scholars just dropped
Your numbers sorta flopped
Currier House tied your entire school
Maybe next year you can use as fuel
That our eight to your three had you topped
Copying our course load with a class on Beyonce
We had one on Taylor first, which we won’t downplay
Our athletes list their majors, it’s a nice look
Your athletes only study the playbook
Though you’ll still lose, to fans’ dismay
Our endowment returns blow yours out of the water
Stick to the S&P, it’ll help your future alma mater
Head of the Charles brings thousands to our river
Round two along the banks, prepare your liver
You’re gonna need to medicate after this slaughter
Your QB’s a nice guy, southern boy
But our boy Psyk will throw him around like a toy
Psyched you guys out, that loss to Cornell
Reno didn’t choose the right passer, you could tell
Jordan’s implosion, fans will enjoy
Couldn’t keep pace with Lions, you fell
All signs point to another round of yips, time will tell
Taking a page from women’s soccer
Ended your season short, not much of a shocker
Round two, triumph in the Stadium, we smell
Mason Shipp seems awfully concerned with cleaning
And while not letting messes linger is well-meaning
His TikTok tips aren’t even viral
He should focus on tracking down the football’s spiral
If the team’s that dirty maybe they should be quarantining
When the guy only has 11 yards a snatch
With those numbers he stands no match
For our guy Shipman, he’ll be cleaning
The floor with your Shipp, it’ll be demeaning
Capsize the Bulldog boat, talk about overmatch
This year, the Ivy chip is in our trophy case
No sharing it this year, you can’t save face
When we win today it will be the first time
Since 2014 that we finish the climb
Leaving you behind, without a trace
Trump may have missed with his debate line
But this weekend, we’ll all be drinking wine
To wash down our main course, so sweet
A celebration of our amazing feat
On Bulldogs, the Crimson will dine
—Staff writer Katharine A. Forst can be reached at katharine.forst@thecrimson.com
—Staff writer Jack K. Silvers can be reached at jack.silvers@thecrimson.com.
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