I would be stressed too if I attended 1270th best college in the nation. Yale’s so bad even tempered Shia Labeouf turned down the school’s scholarship offer.

Speaking of Yale students, the Bulldogs can boast five presidents and a swath of CIA agents. Contrarly, Harvard has seven presidents, five current supreme court justices, and consistently more members of congress.

The fact that Yale students go to work for the CIA just proves what everyone already knew: Yale students that graduate work for their Crimson peers.

The city of New Haven itself is a dumpster fire—no question—and at the pinnacle of that dumpster is Yale. And at the apex of that pinnacle, is the Bulldog football team.

In the last 10 contests, Yale has beaten Harvard exactly once.

In the same span of time, the Crimson won the Ivy League six times.

Sure, the Bulldogs have clinched the Ivy League but everybody really couldn’t care less. Assuming a loss on Saturday—an easy assumption to make—Yale will become the worst Ivy League champion since 1982 when another team with two losses took the title.

A blind squirrel can find a nut now and again. A broken clock is right twice a day.

Even Yale can win the Ivy League once a decade.

—Staff writer Cade Palmer can be reached at cade.palmer@thecrimson.com.