DARTMOUTH AT YALE

Earlier this week, an enormous fire broke out at a Dartmouth dormitory. Frat prank gone wrong? Back-to-nature protest?

Neither one, it turned out. As local newspapers chronicled, “an unattended hibachi-style grill” caused the damage. For six hours the inferno raged, displacing 70 students. No word yet on the status of the steak.

It’s safe to say that wherever the Big Green goes, fire will follow. And on Saturday, Dartmouth will travel to Yale to inflict destruction on an 0-3 Bulldogs team.

Like an abandoned hibachi grill, New Haven, Conn. will be burning this weekend. As in, more than usual. And at the end of the day, the city will resemble a pile of ashes. Once again—as in, more than usual.

Prediction: Dartmouth 31, Yale 10

CENTRAL CONNECTICUT STATE AT PENN

Surely it’s demoralizing to play for the second-best Blue Devils program in college football.

Do you realize how specific that mascot is? Not just “the Devils”—which, when you think about, is a weird object of affection—but “the Blue Devils.” Loony.

Here, then, is my first prediction: A fight will break out when Central Connecticut plays Penn. Inferiority complexes die hard. It also helps that the Quakers sport an overpowered offense and a veteran defense.

Penn may put up bigger numbers than former sports writer David Freed’s story count. Or we can express the probability of this game through simple geography. An entire state trumps a partial one. Every. Single. Time.

Prediction: Penn 49, Central Connecticut State 10

CORNELL AT HARVARD

Don’t look now, but exciting times have come to Cornell. The University’s endowment made Bloomberg headlines, a 12-year-old student recently enrolled, and the football team has enough joy to tweet out a photo of “THE BIG SOMBRERO.”

On second take, however, all these sweet facts turn a little sour. Cornell’s endowment made the news because it lost 3.3 percent—worse even than Harvard. Sure, 12-year-old Jeremy started school, but he leaves every day when his parents pick him up. And “THE BIG SOMBRERO”? That one fell through when campus Latino groups took offense to it. As one student said, “A decent portion of Cornelians kind of don’t have sympathy for one another.” Hmmm.