Somewhere past the impending midterm season is the heavenly, sun-tanned mirage of Spring Break 2013. Not sure about what you’re going to do this year? Take FM’s quiz and find out how you should spend your week-long vacation.
1. Who are your friends?
a. Hitchhikers.
b. Think Theta!
c. Laurent Rivard, Christian Webster, and Wesley Saunders.
d. There were these cute white mice, but I had to sacrifice them.
e. Jose Cuervo.
2. What’s your food of choice?
a. Applebutter.
b. Body butter.
c. Buttered popcorn.
d. HUDS bag lunches.
e. Peanut Butter.
3. What’s your drink of choice?
a. Cold water from a spring in the Catskills.
b. Coconut Water.
c. Very small bottles of vodka from the flight attendant.
d. The ethanol under my lab bench.
e. The “more” part of the saying “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more.”
4. Which is your jam?
a. “I’m gonna be (500 miles)”—The Proclaimers.
b. “That’s What Makes You Beautiful”—One Direction.
c. “Whoomp! (There It Is)”—Tag Team.
d. “Just like a Pill”—P!nk.
e. “I’m on a Boat”—The Lonely Island.
5. What are you wearing right now?
a. I’m naked except for my hiking boots.
b. My bikini. I wear it under all my clothes, just in case.
c. One of a thousand “Harvard Basketball” t-shirts I own.
d. Lab coat.
e. Brotank and beer goggles. But actually, I have beer goggles.
6. What shoes are you going to pack for Spring Break?
a. I sold my shoes to pay for gas.
b. The cutest strappy sandals you’ve ever seen.
c. Jordans.
d. Close toed shoes.
e. Flippy floppys!
7. What are your hobbies?
a. Making beef jerky in my dorm room and collecting bluegrass vinyls.
b. Yoga.
c. Writing a blog about the stats of little league basketball teams.
d. MCAT prep! (Or at least that’s what I tell my parents.)
e. Doing my laundry and going to the gym. It’s very soothing.
8. Ideally, what’s the most awesome thing you’re going to do this spring break?
a. Fight off grizzly bears.
b. Swim in an infinity pool.
c. Chest-bump Tommy Amaker.
d. Tent in the Yard in anticipation of Oprah’s arrival.
e. Stand atop Mayan Ruins while hungover.
9. What’s the worst thing that could happen this spring break?
a. Lose a fight with grizzly bears.
b. Can’t get out of the infinity pool.
c. Men’s basketball loses to Princeton for Ivy League title.
d. My post-doc decides not to go on break.
e. Montezuma’s Revenge.
10. How are you going to document Spring Break 2013?
a. Disposable waterproof camera.
b. Instagram.
c. Tweeting everything at Drew Faust.
d. Lab notebook.
e. I’ve got a feeling I shouldn’t document, just in case I run for office someday. I’ll just have to be careful and untag myself from everything on Facebook.
SCORE!
Points Awarded:
a—1
b—2
c—3
d—4
e—5
If you scored between 10 and 18 points, you should go on a Road Trip! Fill her up and take to the highway, see the sights—The Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, Half-Dome, Old Faithful, The Golden Gate Bridge. Drive into the sunset. Build bonfires. Sleep under the stars. visit every 7-11 from here to San Francisco. Gas prices are high right now, but a long drive will satisfy your aching wanderlust like Lamont never could.
If you scored between 19 and 26 points, you should hit the Spa! Relaaaaaaax. Breathe easy for a while, take some yoga classes, and spend a little time and money on yourself. We won’t tell anyone about that $200 mud bath if you won’t.
If you scored between 27 and 34 points, you are hoping and praying that Crimson men’s basketball makes it to the NCAA! You should start making tributes and sacrifices to the appropriate god(s) now. Work those connections to get a ticket and fly out to the playoffs. If we’re not a part of March Madness this year, cuddle with your bracket in front of the TV and dream for next year.
If you scored between 35 and 42 points, you should get out of your research! We know it’s scary, but there’s a world beyond thesising and experimenting. You’re pastier than Gollum, you should probably step outside and get some sunshine. Experience Cambridge, man! It’s beautiful in the spring—especially as the crew sculls start skimming along the River again.
If you scored between 43 and 50 points, you should take the traditional route and go to Cancun! Traditional in the most flexible sense, here. Go see many bikinis, drink many beers, and party it up like the champion you are. You’ll come back crispy and tan, but that will be the only proof you have of your adventures—you won’t remember any of it.
