Let me just start by saying that I get it. Snow is ice. Ice melts into water. And water has the potential to ruin a perfectly good hairdo. But girls, and for that matter men and people of all ages, if you’re worried about your general appearance, using an umbrella in the snow is not the answer.

In fact, it’s the problem.

You know those people who attach rubber coverings to their shoes? What about the ones who use rubber bands to tighten their jeans so that cold air doesn’t get through? How about, dare I say it, men in rain boots?

You, umbrella-wielder, are worse. Much worse. Because while these self-proclaimed practical (read: embarrassing) pedestrians don’t disturb anyone (physically, at least) with their mortifying winter gear, your umbrella is right in my face, blocking my view. Add on the 10 inches of snow on each side of us and you’re impossible to get around.

While you survey the scene, spending 20 minutes trying to choose the driest pathway across the Yard in order to keep your waterproof rain boots dry, I have to stare at the back of your umbrella, unable to make a plan of attack.

So, as I step into the giant puddle that you so skillfully avoided, I just have one thing to say to you.

Those puffy, polyester things that snow—even the most watery kind—seems to slide right off of? They’re called coats, and, more likely than not, they have hoods. And if, for some reason, a small snowflake happens to touch your clothes, let me introduce you to another property of water: it dries.