Are you sick of watching people open your gifts and immediately search for the receipt? Tired of hearing “um ... what is this?” in response to a “creative” present? Worry no more, FM has the solution to your holiday doldrums and foolproof suggestions for every person on your list.

Grandmother

Conventional:

Sweater—$68-$108, Ann Taylor

A great thank you gift for all of the sweet care packages grandma has been sending you. What better way to say “I love you” than with dry-clean-only cashmere?

Unconventional:

An empty cardboard box with a pre-addressed label for your dorm—$5, FedEx

It’s hard to get all that packaging together. You’re saving grandma time and money.

Brother

Conventional:

Video Game—$40, Best Buy

Don’t worry if you don’t know anything about video games. Simply pick out whichever game has the most guns and/or footballs on the cover.

Unconventional: Educational video (Think “Schoolhouse Rock”)—$30, also Best Buy

Preferably one that relates to a class that you’re taking. He gets to watch a movie and help you with your work. It’s a win-win.

Blockmates

Conventional:

Necklace—$18-$30, Urban Outfitters

Nothing says, “I’m glad we blocked together,” like some holiday bling.

Unconventional: Housemaster email addresses—free, Harvard directory

Nothing says, “We need to transfer out of the Quad together,” like the personal information of administrators in high places.

Roommates

Conventional: Headphones—$60, www.skullcandy.com

For all the loud music he/she is always playing when you’re trying to finish a problem set or start your thesis.

Unconventional:

The Holy Bible: King James Version—$13, www.amazon.com

This gift sends the “Stop sexiling me!” message loud and clear.

Significant other (Boyfriend, girlfriend, or “We don’t believe in labels,” person)

Conventional:

Scarf—$19-$40, American Apparel

Keep it casual with the least intimate of the accessory options.

Unconventional:

Timex Extra Loud Alarm Clock—$10, Radio Shack

Maybe it’s time to put a label on the relationship.