Fisticuffs broke out in Lowell dining hall. Adams House’s “Sweet and Nasty” was derailed by a vindictive fire-alarm-puller. A male social organization actually convinced a female social organization, mid-mixer, to migrate from Mather to the Quad.

Harvard must have been demonically possessed this past Halloween weekend. Or maybe the entire student body was temporarily transformed into Crimson party zombies, the dark red undead.

Perhaps we just really, really like pretending we’re pirates?

Whatever the reason, Halloween really brings out the best in Harvard’s social life. Free parties abound, costumes are creative (or at least skimpy), and everyone seems to let his or her guard down. Pagan origins notwithstanding, the holiday is a lot of fun.

I found myself knee-deep in the merriment early Saturday morning, wading down Bow St. along with hundreds of refugees from the aforementioned fire alarm debacle.

Steven A. Franklin ’10 was there, wearing a Robin Hood costume. The green tights made his legs look even skinnier than usual, and the pointy hat accentuated his big ears. He was surrounded by blockmates.

I then spotted Maya D. Simpson ’11. A red polka dot handkerchief covered her head, and her tight blue work shirt was tied off, revealing a swathe of tummy. An inflatable electric drill hung from her belt loop.

Maya leaned against the back wall of Daedalus, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette and minding her own business. This should be interesting.

Wait, wait, let me guess! I hollered as I walked over to her. You’re the construction worker in the all-girl version of the Village People?

“Very funny,” Maya responded between drags. “I’m Rosie the Riveter. Icon of American feminism...ring any bells, douchebag?”

I must have missed that day in eighth grade history class. Besides, aren’t you, in fact, Sexy Rosie the Riveter?

“They wouldn’t let me into any of the Final Clubs if I didn’t do something to make me look like a whore,” she said, tugging down on her shirt. “Plus, when I’m not saving the world, I do like to have a little fun.”

And you’re promoting equal gender rights to boot! I shudder at the thought of Sexy Uncle Sam. Bet you didn’t think that you would still be dressing up for Halloween in college.

“It’s great, this is about the only cause that Harvard students are dedicated to,” she smirked. “I just had to go out with my Korean roommate tonight. This is a heaping tablespoon of cultural immersion. What’s more American than paying a bunch of money for a ridiculous costume that you’ll only wear once?”

As far as patriotic celebrations go, I think you may be neglecting Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July. Super Bowl Sunday?

“Blatant symbols of colonialist repression and American exceptionalism. My favorite holidays are Diwali and Bastille Day.”

I read somewhere that Americans will shell out $5 billion on Halloween this year. Spending’s up more than 50% since 2005. But it’s still just chump change, compared to the $475 billion we’ll blow on Christmas.

“Get back to me when Adams House has a ‘Sweet and Nasty’ Christmas pageant.”