Abe: I mean what I said about Elijah Wood and Jay-Z. This column should chronicle our journeys into manhood. Or at least multi-celled-organism-hood. Or something like that.

I’m not sure I’m ready for the fascism of becoming a Green Street Hooligan—if only because I don’t work out enough—and I’m certainly never going to be taken seriously if I spout off rhymes like “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man! Let me handle my business, damn.”

But that’s the whole point! We’re experiencing art as snappily-dressed dilettantes, and we’ll make no bones about that! I think this should be a column in which we are brutally honest about our innermost feelings. It’s okay to cry just a little bit. It’s okay to laugh. It’s even better to snort.

We’ll just play the self-deprecation angle in our column. I’ll write about how I’m trying to become a man through abandoning or embracing different works of art, and you’ll write about how you’re trying to become an artist by turning into a different sort of man, namely a woman.

I’m already making progress! This summer, I read a Bukowski novel, held myself back from seeing “Revenge of the Sith” more than once, and, as I mentioned before, memorized the lyrics to a popular rap song! In the future, I think we will write about such frightening experiences.

Henry: Father Abraham, we’re quite possibly the slowest journeyers into the realm of manhood to have ever have crossed the overlong crevasse of De Onmogelijke Adolescentie, but dammit, we enjoy it.

In the words of MY favorite poet, Sigur Rós frontman Jónsi þor Birgisson: “[Long, drawn-out silence. Very drawn-out.]” What does it mean to be a poet, or, better yet, what is prose poetry? Is this it? Nope, because I can’t write good, and that’s got to be a part of it.

Is it art if we happen to write about ourselves, so long as we dress suitably shoddily and adopt the appropriate illegal habits?

I don’t mean to stereotype, or, better said, I do mean to, but I don’t mean it when I do. Mostly, I need to start wearing a black turtleneck and chain-smoking Pars that I keep in a wine glass.

Speaking of art (sort of), have you heard about this exhibit at the MFA, which is, I kid you not, an incredibly rich man showing off all his expensive things.

Yes, I suppose most of it IS fine art, by any definition, but the theme of “these are my things, you are cripplingly poor in comparison to me, my apartment smells of rich mahogany” is carried throughout.

Next to every painting is a sign about where in one of his 40 houses he keeps that particular piece, or, better yet, how he carries it with him to each of his 40 houses. The title? “Things I Love: The Many Collections of William Koch”. That bastard!

We will write about summer loving, just kickin’ it. We own many leather-bound books. You shall bow before us.

Staff writer Abe Riesman can be reached at riesman@fas.harvard.edu

Staff writer Henry M. Cowles can be reached at hmcowles@fas.harvard.edu