Everyone has some sexual confusion, it is quickly revealed, when this pastor says that he is also coming out of the closet. A mysterious fourth party arrives while Kelly is waving his gun. “Then a knock on the door/The gun’s in my hand/He opens the door/ I can’t believe…it’s a man.”

I’m sort of convinced that the entire scheme was concocted as an immense joke, but it also works as a cliffhanger, keeping the listener mesmerized with the tale as it unfolds. I won’t reveal any more details, but I can tell you that, by the end, Chuck seems to be the only character free of blame.

At the end of the accompanying video to the track comes a tease bigger than any of the lyrics: “to be continued.” Apparently there is going to be “Trapped in the Closet,” chapters six through 10.

Whether or not Kelly’s future is sunny or filled with golden showers, I’ll still be waiting with baited breath for his return to the “Closet.”

Meanwhile, the mothers of adolescent girls will be shutting off their daughters’ radios and MTV in blind fear. Never has “I want my MTV” seemed so frightening, coming from TRL’s screaming, blooming, pubescent hordes.

­—Staff writer Scoop A. Wasserstein can be reached at wasserst@fas.harvard.edu.