• 2 points for every class you’ve taken with more than 15 hours of class time and work per week. (max 20 points)
• 4 points if you think Harvard should allow the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) back on campus and is being unpatriotic by refusing to do so.
• 4 points if you think Harvard is doing too much to support discrimination at ROTC by providing official “backdoor” funding of some ROTC activities.
• 3 points if you can’t think of two good reasons for Harvard to have a mandatory, one-size-fits-all meal plan.
• 4 points if your student group was ever unable to find a suitable space for a meeting or performance.
• 1 point for every meal per week you eat at Fly-By, Quincy, or Lowell (only if you don’t live there) because dining hall hours are too short for you to get back to your House between classes and extracurricular activities and/or your House is too far to be easily trekked to and from multiple times per day.
• 2 points if you’re ineligible to receive any House scholarships because you were randomly assigned to one of the poor, new Houses that don’t have them.
• 5 points if you wish you had gone to Princeton or Stanford.
• 4 points if Harvard’s lack of a student center and the apparent deficiency of concern over the inadequate social space on campus riles you up.
• 2 points if you think Harvard’s apparent plan to put undergraduates in Allston makes less sense than creating a professional campus there instead.
• 4 more points if you believe Harvard will put undergrads there anyway.
SCORING
0 points: You’re Larry Summers.
1-7 points: You’ve enjoyed your Harvard experience thoroughly. You’re the head of the Senior Gift Committee. Give to Senior Gift.
8-15 points: You’ve had a pretty good time at Harvard. You were probably tricked into joining the Senior Gift Committee. Give to Senior Gift.
16-25 points: You didn’t really like Harvard. You’re beginning to think Uncle Morty was right when he told you to go to Yale. Don’t give to Senior Gift.
25+ points: You hate this dump. You piss on the John Harvard Statue sober and always fart in the general direction of University Hall for good measure. Don’t give to Senior Gift. In fact, break into Senior Gift HQ and steal some donations to make up for your bad experience. Just don’t tell them I sent you.
Jason L. Lurie ’05 is a chemistry concentrator in Cabot House. His column appears on alternate Wednesdays.