Apathy level: extremely high.

Now, what would Ross’s twin brother at Yale do if someone sitting next to him were wearing a Harvard sweatshirt?

“I would make some witty, clever, or snide remark to the best of my fun-making ability,” says Bulldog Greg Lipstein ’08.

Apathy level: medium.

Okay, there might not be a stark difference. But this is Harvard-Yale, not Michigan-Ohio State or Duke-UNC. What’s important, though, is that even among twins, the one that attends Harvard is more apathetic towards his rival school.

The worst thing about this indifference: Harvard sports fans are apathetic, too. Despite attending the college that boasts the most Division I teams of any school in the country, Harvard students, for the most part, could care less how their fellow athletes perform.

At the 2004 Harvard-Yale weekend, for example, there were more people at the tailgate than at the football game itself. Now, there’s nothing wrong with rocking a tailgate—but there’s something amiss if football doesn’t play a significant role in the day’s events, too.

And this was no ordinary Harvard football team. This was the squad that went a perfect 10-0 and had arguably the best season in the past 100 years of Crimson pigskin history.

Fast-forward a few months to this past Saturday, and the apathy continues to reign.

When Harvard women’s hockey defeated Mercyhurst 5-4 in a triple-overtime thriller, the official attendance figure was 1,013. That number represents barely a third of Bright Hockey Center’s capacity of 2,800 people.

And again, this was no run-of-the-mill matchup. This was a first-round NCAA tournament match featuring the nationally ranked Crimson—a team that had just won the ECAC championship.

There are times when this indifference seems to disappear. The Human H always makes his presence felt in the student section at men’s hockey games. The Ultimate Frisbee team sometimes brings a dancing Santa to women’s volleyball games. And even Big Larry himself makes an appearance at some sporting events.

Unfortunately, these few events are the exceptions to the rule. In general, the words “Harvard” and “fanaticism” just don’t go together. I was made painfully aware of this when a referee came up to me after a men’s volleyball game and told me that “You suck!” was not an appropriate comment at a sporting event.

Why are Harvard fans nice? Where are those crazy people that throw beer cups at athletes and get into fights with them? Why is it that, without the help of a pep band, most Crimson fans can’t even get a cheer of “Let’s go, Harvard” going?

You can’t simply blame it on an Ivy League mentality—as the twins case study showed, even Yalies are more spirited.

And you definitely can’t fault the Crimson for not winning—even in so-called “minor” sports. Harvard fencer Emily Cross just took the NCAA foil title, and her head coach, Peter Brand, was just awarded National Coach of the Year. The men’s volleyball team, under the guidance of first-year coach Chris Ridolfi, has clinched its division and won 13 straight.

So Harvard really doesn’t suck. But maybe Harvard fans do.

Crimson Crazies? Please—that’s an oxymoron.

—Staff writer Karan Lodha can be reached at klodha@fas.harvard.edu.